mr. four

i really remember my fourth birthday with surprising clarity. i remember my mom standing at the mixer, whipping up the batter for my strawberry shortcake cake. it was one of those nice tin pressed pans with the image of the beloved character molded so that when the cake was baked, you turned the pan over and out slid a lovely image of the beloved character. my mom went all out on the frosting, whites and pinks and reds with a little green and blue there. i remember that my large extended family threatened to skip it but then, to my parents' surprise (which i can remember as well), more came than were expected. and i think this was the only time in my history that such a gathering occurred. the next time i would see so many relatives, sadly, would be at the funerals of my grandmothers.
the reason why i am sharing this snippet of personal lore is because sebastian has reached this milestone of long-term memory. what goes on now is recorded. i realize that he, like myself, will always have earlier memories but those prior memories are sparse and scattered. the memories that are being created now will stay within his consciousness' grasp. so now, we need to be careful. most parents worry about getting their children through babyhood; i've been nervous about four since the two pink lines appeared on that plastic stick. it's pretty heavy, man. of course, at the same time, i have been looking forward to this age for a while. actually, to tell you the truth, through his, ahem, entire third year. three is so awkward. not a baby, not a kid but still a baby and almost a kid. he went through a lot this last year, transitions all around. and because he is sebastian, he bore it like a king. i am so happy to know such a cool little guy. he is friendly and funny and has so, so much energy and passion contained in his little frame that it is always on the verge of escape. happy birthday, darling boy. thank you for putting up with us.

セバスチャンくん　お誕生日お目でと!!!

this floridian life

hot heads

it's summer, people. real hot, humid, sunny, thunderstormy summer. here are my hot heads to prove it:


you know it is hot when sebastian naps. i could use one myself but there is always Too Much To Do. i did enjoy cleaning the porch with nico in his chair while sebastian slept. two of our hanging plants had bit the dust and so i spent some time cutting away the skeletons and finding the salvagable roots. it is strange how the little victories of the day become so important to my general sanity. now if only i can get the dishes done my day will be complete.
hope everyone is well. happy weekend.
xo

taking a break

so, the news. we have decided to put our efforts into getting back to japan as soon as reasonably possible. it is not just for the sake of being in japan, it is about giving our sons a better life that we can't afford for them here. health insurance, kind people, beautiful scenery, bilingualism. did i mention health insurance? i am in the somewhat frustrating process of gathering ducks and putting them in their rows. graduate school, jlpt, letters of reference, job possibilities. it can be a tad overwhelming. sometimes i just need to step away from writing cover letters and statements of purpose and head to the park.


more pictures from the morning can be found on my flickr account.
outside time is growing limited with the increasing heat, smoke, and humidity. sebastian needs a new hat and so do i. perhaps a modified sun hat from simple sewing can be accomplished before i have to head to work.
a good break indeed.
p.s. thank you for your crossed fingers. we need all the luck and good thoughts we can get.
xo

plan b

this is me and sebastian just over a year ago.

i can't write a lot concerning plan b but i would like to say that it holds certain elements that are exhibited in the above photo. (and, no, i am not pregnant again.) i can't write a lot mainly because nothing is certain AND because i don't want to jinx myself. but if you could cross your fingers and toes for us, i would greatly appreciate it. coins in the fountain are also quite welcomed.

thanks.
xo

(hope you are having a good weekend)

fraternity

and so they play.

verbs

::reading bird by bird::
::sharing an excerpt that i, as an indecisive libra, found important:
(Anne Lamott is dress shopping with her friend who is terminally ill) p.170
"Then I said, 'Do you think it makes my hips look too big?' and she said to me slowly, 'Annie, I really don't think you have that kind of time.'
::thinking about how i use time and how i would rather spend this most precious commodity::
::allowing myself to focus and put other projects/interests/diversions on the back burner::
::finding two new blogs that help to confirm my idea that teaching is a good day job for a person like me::
::taking a break from blogs and blogging::
::hoping you are well::

riches

early morning trip to the farmer's market:: finding a local community garden, in full bloom:: rediscovering conscious consumerism and consumption:: the book feeding the whole family by cynthia lair:: tempeh sandwiches, ginger-peach tea, spring beet soup to cleanse::

vegan banana nut muffins (gluten-free as well)
4 ripe bananas
1/3 cup soy milk
1 t vanilla extract
1/2 cup vegan margarine
3/4 cup sugar
2 cups of flour mix (i used one cup of white rice flour, 1/2 cup of sorghum flour, 1/4 cup tapioca flour, 1/4 cup potato starch flour + 1/2 t of xanthan gum)
1 t baking soda
1/2 cup chopped nuts

pre-heat oven 350 degrees F
mash bananas well then add milk and vanilla
in separate bowl, mix sugar and margarine then add to banana/milk
sift flours and baking soda then add to liquid mixture
add nuts then pour into muffin tins
bake 10-15 minutes
makes one dozen muffins




happy weekend
xo

shout out

this is one of sebastian's many self-portraits. yes, that is his angry face. no, he's not really angry.
this is my lazy way of replying/getting in touch with a few people that i owe responses to. i am thinking of every single email, call, comment i get, not to mention the numerous gifts that are in progress. please know that i am thinking of you even if i don't mention you here.

first, i wanted to mention that my good friend amie just opened up her etsy store. there are some cool little works of art there now and she told me she would be updating soon with much, much more so please check her out. amie and i met in ceramics class in high school. we sat at the same table with another girl (who is also a great artist and, ahem, hasn't written to me in a long, long time) and i am proud to know such talented ladies.

okay, here are the personal responses:
heather: i got your lovely (and long) message and i will call you soon. really. i promise. this weekend. for real.
momoko and eileen: i am sending your baby gifts to you soon. very soon. i just have to remake one part because i worry that your babes are getting too big.
hiromi: i am really sending you a package. and a postcard. i really love getting mail from you and i do hope that we will see each other soon.
eko: i can't believe that shara-chan is four and renka-chan looks just like her now. we will be mailing shara-chan's b-day present tomorrow.
for all those people who i promised postcards: this weekend, seriously. i finally found my stamps.
elizabeth: i want to send you a birthday present but it will be late because mom is out of country and i don't know your address. but please know that i am thinking about you.

whew. there are actually more but i think this will have to do for now. hope everyone is having a good week!

weekend-ing

still working on my flickr uploading but it goes slowly as sebastian interrupts, demanding to look at his favorite pictures and video clips, all involving trains. the kyoto (unlabeled at the moment) pictures are just a tiny, tiny portion of our good pictures of japan. there will be more. many, many more.
other weekend projects:

one of my resolutions was to start container gardening. local and organic food is very important to me but hard (um, impossible) to come by in jacksonville. i could write more on why it is impossible but typing with one hand (nico's sleeping on the other) prevents the explanation for now. i am glad more people are hopping on the bandwagon. of course, my little tomato and pepper plants aren't to be compared but for me, it is a start. one day when we can have a little plot of land, be it community or personal, in a place where the soil isn't poisoned i'll be delighted but until then the most crucial lesson is for the kids to understand and connect food to its place of origin. also, i want to learn how to be as green as we can be in any situation. i believe that since almost 70% of the world's population resides in urban centers, then sustainability needs to be adapted and adopted within the city regardless of socio-economic status. (this is all that i researched and wrote about at university. i could write more but again, my right hand cramps at the thought of all those words.)

my other project, clean and organize my art+craft area. i'll be sewing that dress tonight or tomorrow as soon as i get the pattern traced and cut out.


i'm actually storing most of my stash away as i need to put all crafting projects on the back burner while we figure out our schedule and near future directions and, of course, study for the jlpt. i promise i won't post too much about the jlpt but i must say that it is funny to be teaching the basics of one language and learning the core of another. strange but utterly helpful, if that makes any sense. anyway, happy weekend.
xo
***edited to add: i am getting rid of a baby knitted gift set that is quite charming but completely unnecessary for me. if anyone here is interested, leave a comment. i would rather give it to someone who values it than just drop it off at the goodwill. to see (poorly lit, sorry!) pictures of the set, go here. if more than one person is interested, then i will hold a little drawing.***

flickring

kyoto - 19
Originally uploaded by any-mari.

one of my weekend projects is to organize our photos. part of this scheme involves uploading the best of our collection on flickr. so if you wish to see japan from our perspective, please visit my flickr. xo

busy bees

i am absolutely intrigued by the plight of the honey bee in north america. i have been thinking so much lately about connectivity and the scheme of things and wondering how life will unfold on this planet. the bee is such a vital part of the mechanics that make our human existence as we know it possible. a place for everything and everything in its place. i am researching honey bees right now in preparation for my next print that will be for both postcards and cloth.
on the homefront, we are all having a bit of difficulty adjusting to the new schedules. i do really like my job and it confirms that mainly i enjoy teaching, something that i resisted for so long.
and yet.... the drive is a hassle (especially since i hate driving) and this split schedule situation (jason and i alternating childcare with work) is not easy. we are tired and unorganized. i need to find my watch. and buy a battery for it. this, i believe, is the root of my troubles. i don't follow the time of man very well.
the kids, i am afraid, are getting the short end of the stick. two tired parents, distracted by work and trying to juggle household duties with parenting and other pursuits of the art+craft kind.
i'm really not trying to complain.
we are having a hard time keeping up with nico. he is not yet crawling but he is fast and adventurous. much more so than his brother. i am so glad we are on the first floor with this one instead of the third like we were with sebastian. he really keeps us on our toes.

unless i can pursuade him to be tucked away in his new sling. within five minutes, he is lulled to sleep.

anyway, my chores call.
xo

homesickness + directions

lovely new album for mama's day.
enjoying the new bjork album via the radio blog club.
missing japan, as usual on the weekends. we flip through youtube for images of the places we miss.

realizing it is already may and i still haven't started my proper study for the jlpt. feeling a bit overwhelmed but ambitious.
i do like my summer job despite being so green behind the ears in terms of teaching esl. glad that my path involves this element. i have decided to apply to several liguistics masters programs by next winter. we're impatient to return to japan; perhaps this will open up the possibility of returning sooner than later.
finished the sling as a mama's day present for myself. put nico in and he immediately fell into a deep sleep. next up, a linen dress using a japanese pattern book. good opportunity to crack open my jisho.
xo

lightness

an afternoon off to clean and be here with these boys. microstoria and stereolab. candyland and almond scented glowing floors. reading the jungle book with sebastian and watching nico watch himself in the mirror. light streaming in, shifting shadows.

a rose from one of my students for mother's day. i enjoy having students again.

lists filled with projects to be completed within a short period of time. a linen dress, market totes, screenprinting, baby sets, kitchen sets, lunch bags. i'm going to re-incorporate paper moon with this blog; no need for the separation since there are no borders in my life, no space or time for division. realizing i need to collect more ocean relics to catch the sunshine. perhaps a journey to the sandy coast will be added to the list, along with parks and play, good food and wine.

happy weekend. xo

waterwise

ah, blue sky. how i missed you.

you see, for about two weeks we have woken up and gone to bed under smoky skies. some days it is so bad that ash covers everything like a fine dust. there are forest fires all around in georgia and florida and it is only may. we are experiencing a major, major dry spell. the dirt cracks under your step. as one sign we saw at a park outside of gainesville said, it is not if, but when the fires start. and if the ground is so dry that it is likely to self-combust consider the other elements of concern, like agriculture.
it hasn't rained in a long, long time so we need to conserve what water we have.
we are urban renters so we don't have a lush lawn to keep green or even a dishwasher but there are some steps that we have taken to help.
we use a dishpan in our sink. this helps keep the washing water from leaking out as it tends to do with a drain plug and thus saves us the step of refilling the sink basin. also, when we rinse the dishes, we fill the pan (to a moderate level) with just water and dip the dishes instead of running the faucet the entire time. afterwards, the water can be used to water the plants.

we added a valve on the showerhead that allows us to turn off the flow of water while soaping and scrubbing but it maintains the water temperture so when we rinse there is no adjustment needed (or shock of too cold/hot water).

if you have a leak, fix it. if you have somewhat unavailable superintendents like us, then collect the water and use it for something else.

there is the matter of the toilet but i'll spare you a photograph. standard toilets use about seven gallons of water with each flush. so, how can i politely put this, just consider if the flush is necessary. also, if the tank is large put something in there to displace the water (a soda bottle filled with water works) so that the tank does not fill itself to capacity.
if you have any more suggestions, please leave a comment. i'll probably do a post on ecological living once a week from now on. hope all is well. xo.

handmade nation + other sources of awe

kingsolver + family experiment with slow food movement
interview with e.o. wilson
the incredible calvin
these gorgeous smocks

also, if you're in the jacksonville area tomorrow:
art show in springfield featuring my friend, amie, followed by another show same day at bogda on mcduff.
and, in further local news...
a d.i.y. place is coming to j-ville +
an indie craft fair 3 blocks from my abode
i might have underestimated the place.

have a good weekend.
xo

joining the discussion

it seems like everyone has been thinking along the same lines lately in terms of the role of blogging in our lives. i would put some fancy links to the numerous blogs where this subject has come up but most of you know what i am referring to and if you don't you can click on any of the links in my sidebar and probably come across others voicing the same concerns.
i don't like the word blog and i am not a particular fan of the internet. sure, it has its uses but in general most of the stuff is unnecessary. i walk around in the evenings and glance at the windows of my neighbors and discover that most people are spending their precious free time sitting in front of the warm glow of one box or another. in our house we have no t.v.. we just don't like the noise or the mindlessness of it. that is not to say we don't watch t.v. sometimes or that we aren't addicted to "the office". i do like well-written programs and maybe ira glass is right and this is the dawn of the golden age of television.

but.

but life is too short. i don't want to look back and reflect on my time sitting passively through horrible advertisements and canned laughter. and this is part of the reason i am not reading fiction these days, despite my reputation as an avid reader. and yet it seems that blogs have stepped in to take over those minutes once spent feverishly reading or scribbling away in my faithful black and white composition book. i have met some amazing people through their blogs. in some ways, i feel like i have made so many friends just by peaking into their world via their blog and for that i am grateful. i am grateful for the time that everyone spends keeping their readers informed and connected. all the people seeking a better way. it makes me feel less lonely. i marvel at those mothers out there that produce enough goods to fill a shop and then still have the time and energy to not only take care of their lovely families but to document the process as well. i know that it is tough because i struggle to find a good balance every minute of my days. my plate is completely overflowing and yet i feel compelled to carve out a little bit of time for this blog because this device has seen me through such a huge transition in my life.

i started this blog (if you look at my profile, you can see the beginnings) as a means of keeping in touch with my students and friends in japan. leaving japan was the hardest decision i ever made and still not a day goes by that i don't harbor a bit of doubt that it was the right decision.
that said, the first year in nara was tough.
i had never lived overseas or taught english or had any interest in japan. i didn't care about tea ceremonies or kanji. i missed my son because i was at work most of the time and even with a budget we had a hard time scraping by. and then i was put in a horrible school two days a week where everyone was overworked and overstressed and i really wanted to leave. the students were the same and in a communication class, that is not the atmosphere you want. on tuesdays and fridays i regretted waking up and at the end of the day, i had to wait at the bus stop only to be harassed constantly by the nationalists in their ridiculous charter bus shouting ridiculous things at me, the little gaijin hired by their government. i was not happy. i was not what everyone at that school expected me to be and i didn't want to be that impossible person, no matter how hard i tried. so i started taking lunch breaks because though that is not the norm, i had a contract that said i could do whatever i wanted to do for forty minutes a day. at that point, i didn't care if i was sacked. so i left the campus and started exploring the surrounding suburban neighborhood. same house next to the same house next to the same house. and then i found a path. it led me through the woods behind the school and at the end was a temple surrounded by glowing emerald rice fields. it was beautiful. there were koi ponds and vegetable and flower gardens and benches and it wasn't like all the temples near my apartment (i lived in the heart of nara city); it was humble and well used. so i started going there. i could sit there and hear the school chimes and know that just beyond the trees, people were scurrying and i felt happy because i wasn't. i gained a good dose of perspective. when i came back from spring break, i discovered that i had been transferred again and this time it was to a school that was a lot like my base school, which i loved. so things changed pretty quick mainly because i was seeing things better. our life in japan became sweeter.
and then i got pregnant. in the end i decided to leave because my students at the base school were graduating and they needed a teacher who would be there to help them prepare for their entrance exams.
they were that terrific.
leaving them was very hard so i set up a blog to show them my life in america and to stay connected. some of them still read it and email me though they have already graduated. over time, this blog has kept me in touch with people beyond those i met in nara. my family uses it to watch the kids grow, as do many long-cherished friends who may not be able to touch base with me on a regular base without it. it saw me through my down period when i couldn't find a job and i was still adjusting to so many things: becoming a stay-at-home mother to two, being a returnee, being unemployed, being indecisive about my direction, being on the run from my student loan officers. i started to sew again because of the many inspiring blogs i have come across by having my own. i started to understand the purpose of creating, the beauty of process, of just making something with my hands. incorporating this into my life has made me more steady.
and so i will keep writing here despite my disdain for the term blog. and yet, like i mentioned, the posts will be infrequent and probably a bit rambling and unexceptional. i sometimes don't have the time for clarity and most of the time i don't have time to even sit here at all. what i am bringing now is what is behind these words.
xo

today is bananas b-a-n-a-n-a-s....

so, little sweet baby nico is growing. fast. at 5 months now he wears 9-12 month old clothes. he's on the go, not exactly crawling but so, so close and in fact this pulling/pushing/pivoting thing he is doing now is probably more efficient than actual crawling. he can get up in the correct position on his hands and knees and even coordinate himself to move a few paces but at this point he feels dragging himself everywhere works faster. and where is this baby off to in such a hurry, you ask? oh, why to any electric cord that is plugged into an outlet of course. if not that he is very good at finding those little lost pieces of paper and tasting them throughly before someone has to fish them out of his gooey mouth. and why oh why is his mouth so juicy these days? because we have teeth, people, teeth. not one but two have popped through in this past week. can you see those little white pearls in this blur of a picture?



and of course he has to balance this frenzied activity with a bit of yoga. the plank pose:


between him and his brother, i am stretched thin. thankfully, i have chocolate and coffee on hand. we are going to be super busy soon. two jobs, two kids, one borrowed mini-van. at least one of us will be working everyday of the week this summer and somedays both of us work with just a moment in between to relay the kid-watching responsibilities. i'm really excited and nervous about my new position that officially starts monday. and of course besides for the parenting and part-time teaching, i've got to buckle down and study for the jlpt 3 that takes places at the start of december. and jason is taking the test too because that is part of the deal. you see, he's planning on taking a trip to japan in feb. 2008 with some friends and i said i wouldn't voice my jealousy as long as he takes the exam. so he's motivated. i'm motivated by the grad programs with applications due at the beginning of 2008.

and then there are my art+craft pursuits....

i am super happy that jason has basically settled on getting a bfa in printmaking. i am utterly selfish in this happiness but it means that i will have access to knowledge and resources that i intend to use in my textile design self-education. the postcard project is my way of practicing printmaking and keeping in touch with friends near and far. win-win. again, if you wish to be added to my mailing list, just send me your address via email (there's a link in my profile). i'm already prepping for postcard #3 so just let me know.
i will be updating papermoon this week. i am working on baby gift sets for a few akachans this weekend then i'll start on the mother day presents. with all these things going on, i'll probably be slowing down on blogging but i will aim for one post a week with maybe a few pictures in between. okay, i hope all is well with everyone. take care. xo

feeling very quiet here lately. will be back soon.
xo

school + thoughts

so, preschool. i just got the call today that sebastian was accepted into the neighborhood preschool. he'll start in august and go five days a week from nine until noon. at one time, this was not an option because i was very attached to my idea of how i wanted to raise my sons, an idea that certainly did not include the catholic preschool three blocks away. and yet there was this (small) voice that kept echoing school, school, school. those big yellow buses and plastic lunch boxes would trigger the voice but if a gaggle of small children was spied, then the nagging became insistent: "i want to go to school, mom". so, i am listening to my son. this is his path. i support him. i also know that i was damn lucky because the school we chose due to practicality (you know, the whole not having a car thing) uses the montessori method for its preschool classes. and since florida now has voluntary preschool (aka it's free) this means the school gets government money (and thus separation of church and state meaning the preschool can't teach religion) and i don't have to worry about explaining god and such until i think sebastian is ready (the registration form had a question "are you catholic ___ non-catholic___." i checked the latter.). and if he doesn't like it? then he can stay at home. the foundation of unschooling has been laid; school is merely supplementary at this point. sebastian gets his kids ("my kids, my kids are at the park/school/museum") and we can have four hours a day with just nico. it doesn't hurt that nico will probably nap for half of that time and thus giving whomever is home a chance to, um, i don't know. what do people do with two hours of quiet? probably something exciting like the dishes. ( franny, i don't have a way to respond to your comments so if you want to email me, there is a link in my profile...:))

and now spring cleaning is complete. such a relief. i can focus on other aspects of my life.


discovered aleksandro kasuba through dwell magazine. the article on the tokyo home in this issue was also captivating. we are subscribers to this fantastic magazine and have just renewed for two more years. it is one of the few things we are willing to commit to.
checked out zorba the greek from the library and borrowed birth. i saw zorba a long time ago but that was before i read the book countless times while i was in japan. so much is missing in the movie but it is still an amazing film. birth had the quality of a good short story; a dynamic yet subtle way of demonstrating the fragility of perspective.

today's playlist: archer prewitt wilderness, beth orton comfort of strangers, isobel campell & mark lanegan ballad of the broken seas, bright eyes collection of songs 1995-1997, mum finally we are no one

(picture taken by sebastian while we were filming finger puppet t.v. with sancho and hand)
i've been reading the path is the goal by Chogyam Trungpa and this book has really clarified so, so much for me. i am actually considering doing this MFA program instead of the applied linguistics program. my natural impulse is to avoid more institutional educational experiences but i have kept naropa at the back of my mind for many years and since i believe i will need a masters to do the work i want and support my familiy, this might be a way to go. but it is just a way. one of many.
p.s. i will be updating papermoon throughout the week