junctions

is it cheating to use year-old pictures? i am sure that this scene looks very much the same today as it did last year. the hustle and bustle of kyoto station. many people (especially gaijin) hate this place because it is thought of as a blemish of modernity on a historically beautiful landscape. but we loved it. it might be that country bumpkin perspective but to us, it is exciting being in a station full of people going places. i love that from kyoto station you can board a train for any destination in japan. it is a place of possibilities. last year we thought we would still be in japan at this time. we thought that maybe we would go to india to ring in the new year. we thought lots of things. during this past year i was published for the first time. i started sewing again, jason started drawing again. we became serious about learning japanese. we realized how much we love the land of the rising sun. i was going to start an internship with the kyoto journal. we were going to go wwoofing. i started a dharma group in my house and joined an organic co-op. it was the year of beginnings. and then in february, we created nico and everything changed. it was such a difficult decision to return home and sometimes we question why we had to though we have no regrets. we learned the importance of not being attached to ideas, a lesson that was extended when ingrid became nico. i was able to have a natural birth using a midwife like i always wanted. i am home with the kids (for the time being). we have time to collect ourselves, to breathe and find our way. we know we want to return to japan, that we want the kids to grow up there instead of america. i have to decide if i am going to become a professional woman and pursue graduate school or if i am going to craft a more independent life. the latter is actually the path of risks, and the path that i will take if i can muster enough courage. and a sound budget. we discovered that there is no possible way jason will ever get financial aid so we must pay for his education ourselves. he is determined to get an education because he wants to be able to work in japan when we return so we have motivation on our side. and for once we are neither anxious (me) nor depressed (jason) about these matters. we have been through enough in this past year alone to make us realize that getting tense about the future is futile. we can plan but those plans will undoubtedly change shape or transform into something completely new and unexpected (like nico). we must remain true to ourselves then everything else will work out on its own. i hope all is well with you and yours. take care.