Away

This picture was taken two years ago in one of our favorite places in Nara.

We're going to take a bit of a break from here due to some business we need to take care of.

We hope you are all well and we will come back mid-May.

Take care.

XO,
Tiffany, Jason, Sebastian, and Nico

A Sad Day for Homeschooling

All this time I thought California was more progressive. I guess I was wrong. I hope it doesn't spread to other states. Hang in there, California-homeschoolers.

thoughts like clouds

These days I am writing in my journal again. I like the space it allows, the privacy. Such a rare commodity.

The fire under the Goto Islands plan seems to have been extinguished. It's a pity but we'll figure out something else to do.

Do you think I would make a good nurse? Probably not but I want something to do that is pragmatic and gives us a livable income. Teaching is an obvious option though I wish the salary was just a tad higher. And that is only because I want to put Jason through university and enroll the boys in Montessori school.

I don't feel as anxious about things as I used to. Perhaps it is because we seem to be preparing ourselves in a better fashion this time. The combined total of our working hours is about 75-80 now. Jason is pulling in the most with two jobs that both require early, early rising on his part. We'll have enough savings to move wherever we decide. Now only to make a decision.

Sebastian keeps saying that we'll be moving back to Riverside (the neighborhood in Jacksonville where we lived before) soon because "we are Riverside people". Jason and I always exchange looks at this, wondering if we are in fact Riverside people. I would rather prefer to break away from Riverside once and for all. But what if Sebastian is right?

We are outside most days in my parents' backyard, blowing bubbles, riding bikes, and swinging. I enjoy laying on the ground, feeling the earth beneath me.

"I feel myself sprout like a cherrytree in this springtime.
Will it be possible that the feelings
return so secret, so autonomic
as if to go beyond oneself, to another dimension?
Wil it be possible to concentrate on each moment
and to reconstruct it in the heart,
that we be able to feign the faces until they are made present?"
-Richard Daniel Piña
from Light and Shadows for Sofia

a happy day to all of you. the bunny stopped here, leaving playmobil, fruit leathers, and bubbles (though i think he was followed by granny bunny who seemed to sneak some chocolates and dvds into the mix). we made natural dyes for the eggs yesterday from blueberries, raspberries, and spinach. i love the feel of finding real eggs, the weight they create in your basket as you slowly fill it up. as a child, easter was my favorite holiday filled with cousins and running around in shiny white buckle shoes. for us it was a celebration of spring and family, of lemonade and potato salad. and though it can't be the same (and shouldn't) for sebastian, in some way we'll share the joy of finding ordinary eggs masquerading as painted clay treasures for the day, hidden carefully in branches and buckets.




hope you enjoyed your day as well.
xo

Support Tibet

I took an essay writing course in university where I was assigned with a paper that required a focus on a current affair that included interviews. I chose the topic of Tibet, a topic that was initially met with skepticism from my professor who believed that I actually just had a thing for Brad Pitt (which I didn't, by the way). I had long been interested in Tibetan Buddhism and the struggle for a free Tibet and wanted to use the research paper as an opportunity to gain a better understanding about the situation. At the time, I was working at the front counter of an alteration shop where all of the seamstresses were Chinese. They were very lovely ladies, well educated and extremely kind and funny. When I approached them for an interview concerning their opinion of Tibet though, I was met with resistance. Why would I want to write about that backwards place? they asked. Eventually, I managed to pry their honest opinions from them. I was shown a viewpoint drastically different from my own. They considered the Tibetans to be dirty illiterates, and even followed the party-line by referring to them as barbarians. I was surprised because none of my co-workers expressed any allegiance to their homeland and most of them considered themselves very open-minded liberals. Yet still this deep-seeded prejudice existed. I was grateful for their candid perspective as it helped me to understand the cruel intentions and practices against the Tibetans by the Communist Chinese since their takeover in the 1950s.
I would continue to research Tibetan Buddhism and culture throughout my undergraduate studies. Jason and I met because of his Free Tibet tee-shirt and eventually we both took refuge in a Karma Kagyu practice center. Through our sangha, we have had the privilege to know many Tibetan refugees. They are among the kindest people I have ever encountered. They have been through an incredible amount but can still laugh so easily. Simply being in their presence can center you and readjust your perspective. Just read the biography of our teacher, the Venerable Bardor Tulku Rimpoche, and consider that he is perhaps the most amazing human I have ever met. Tibetan Buddhists deem the hardships imposed on them by the Communist Chinese to be more than the apparent turmoil. They consider it an opportunity for others to learn of the Dharma.
And yet despite my knowledge, I was still shocked and appalled to hear about the recent crackdown on Tibetan protesters. My feelings were put into words by Scott Simon in this piece on NPR's Weekend Edition. It is very rare to hear such a perspective in the media, especially since the U.S. is now so indebted to China. His Holiness the Dalai Lama's response to this recent conflict was to plea for non-violence from both the Chinese in their armored tanks and the protesters led by Buddhist monks. There are images on the news of protesters tipping over vehicles and breaking the windows of shops and banks. These images are being used by the Chinese government to portray the protesters as being low and mean rebels. The Chinese government, like other totalitarian regimes, were quick to declare such "rebels" as terrorists under the precedent of the War on Terror. Reports from the other side tell of streets being lined with armed soldiers and tanks. Tanks brought in to stop groups of people whose mightiest weapon are the rocks found on the street and their sheer determination. Personally, the situation and H.H. the Dalai Lama's request are both very inspiring. To extend compassion and loving-kindness to those who on a superficial level strive to be your worst enemy is the very essence of Buddhism. It gives me something to strive towards, to meditate on. The Communist Chinese are Mara, and the Tibetans are Buddha meditating under the bodhi tree. As for the protesters, for them I am now declaring a personal boycott of all things Made In China (like this family) as well as giving a percentage of our meager income to the International Campaign for TIbet. Anything related to the 2008 Summer Olympics is also banned. It's really easy to justify buying cheap goods when you are living on a tight budget, yet the true expense is being carried on the backs of those oppressed by the Chinese government. In general we are very wary of any Chinese made goods but now is the time for vigilance. Opening up China for trade has thus far failed to deliver any higher standard of human rights to the masses as was hoped. All it did was feed the dragon.
Free Tibet!
Edited to add:Comprehensive catalog of links concerning the protests

and now, a shark's tooth

it's a windy saturday morning here. jason is at work at the _________ helping ________. in a bit, i'll get ready for my shift at the _______ where i work part-time with a bunch of young pups and their cell phones. i was offered a promotion there but i declined, for obvious reasons. i was also offered another position this week and am hoping to hear back from the preschool in japan before next week so i can reasonably decline it as well. i have been corresponding with the woman who arranges matters with the school and she is very kind and positive so i remain hopeful. the position wouldn't start until june and so we wouldn't leave florida for new york until may. she did go ahead and extend the invitation to stay at her house to the boys and jason. so at least she likes me. now if only the preschool director will approve... i am very excited about the possibility of working with preschoolers. i have been collecting lots of ABC materials like cookie cutters and stamps and those little beads we used as kids to make elastic bracelets with our names. i feel better, more awake and present than i have in a long time. having an idea about our direction is just what we needed.
i made a simple movable alphabet out of index cards and we've been working with sebastian on putting sounds together to make words. he's become more interested in painting lately and is actually producing images beyond his little scribbles he calls monsters. though we like the monsters, it is interesting to see his perspective on paper. nico meanwhile is building an impressive catalog of words: apple, apple sauce, nana, papa, sebastian, dada, mama, ball, book, bird, gomi, giraffe, elephant, tiger, dog, kitty, hana, berry, shoes, diaper, and diego. diego? sebastian's taken a shine to the nick jr. character but it is mainly because of the animal aspect. he still loves his regular dose of bbc's planet earth or life of - and amazes us with his knowledge of various creatures. his collection of schleich animals continues to grow because now we must obtain animals that are considered nico's so that they will share the menagerie a little more peacefully.
i have to go and put on my __________ and go to work. i hate going to work on beautiful days, especially following housebound day full of tornado and flood warnings. anyway, look at today's picture closely before you go. do you see it? i didn't see it myself until i was putting the photos on the computer. a good lesson about paying attention for me. hope you are all well.
take care.
xo

patience

while we wait....

while i wait to see which way things are going...
peach scones...


a new bag, simple and roomy...

the possibility

(do you see that little bird, sitting above the signal? these birds really like sitting on traffic lights so look carefully next time you stop and you'll probably see one.)
there is a possibility that we might be back in japan as soon as april. i have already had a telephone interview which ended in the interviewer inviting me to stay with her in her house in new york. rather positive i think. now i am just waiting to be approved by the staff at the preschool. i am feeling really open and optimistic about this prospect. the school is not in kyoto or even the kansai region, which were earlier criteria for us. the position is in the goto islands off the coast of nagasaki. i'd never heard of the place prior to the interview but after several days of exhaustive research, let me tell you, the place looks like heaven.


also look here and here and here. these images make my heart pound.

hopefully i'll hear back this week so i can report the news. even if this doesn't happen, i know that i will have to visit the goto islands when we do make it back to japan. they look too lovely to miss.

hope you are all well. take care.
xo

still here

we've been scheming and playing and reading and working. yesterday we took two trips to the beach, one early in the morning before a big storm with a thermos full of coffee and then later that afternoon after the rain had cleansed the sky. nico was fearless, running straight at the sea while sebastian happily dug tunnels for his animals. he practiced writing his name in the sand then we made a large sand sea turtle. a nice day.
today, haircuts and cleaning. a batch of (gf) maple pecan scones was made and consumed. sebastian is making some thumbprint drawings via this book we found at the library. the library remains our constant weekly adventure, especially now that sebastian owns his very own library card (thus we can check out 10 dvds instead of 5). i'm making vocabulary flash cards, feeling like a lazy lump since i have not seriously studied since i left japan and i might actually need it soon. very soon. but more on that later...
anyway, i just wanted to pop in here and say hello. we're good though ready to prepare ourselves for the next step in our journey. hope everyone is doing well. take care.
xo

excellence

i wanted to share some of my favorite blogs, blogs that i check regularly to regain perspective and feel better about the world knowing that such lovely people are out there living the good life.

first, i want to toss the excellence award back to cyndi and give yet another one to momo. i met both of these ladies in nara and have enjoyed being connected to their journeys through their blogs. both are now expats, crafting a simple and beautiful life for their boys in their adopted homelands.

next, i must mention kayla as she is such a wonderful and talented person both online and in person. in this past year or so, she has come to terms with the diverse elements of herself, embracing her profession as well as her strong artsty-craftsty side by opening up an etsy shop.

i love amisha's words. she seems so grounded but utterly open and strong. i admire and respect her for all the positive energy she puts into every aspect of her life.

i relate to melissa very much and have really enjoyed watching her recent move from new zealand to norway, both places that i wish to see someday. i like her honesty about herself, it makes her blog very accessible. as much as i do like the dreamy blogs where there seems to be no shortage of motherly patience and virtue, i truly savor blogs where the author admits to sneaking chocolates and having moments of frustration.

which brings me to nina, who i can always rely on for a laugh and a good dose of wisdom gleamed from the frontlines of parenting. she presents such a balanced glimspe of her enthusiastically lived life, always embracing the yin and the yang.

i could go on but i'll have to be satisfied recommending my link list as a jumping off point. there are just so many incredible blogs out there. i feel lucky that their authors decided to allow others to witness the beauty of their daily existence.
xo

clean sweep = fabric giveaway

hi there. still without a working camera so i have to rely on my archived photos for a bit longer. with the six month deadline looming, i feel anxious to begin working on the move. today we're submitting all the necessary paperwork for nico's passport. you should see his photo, his cute confused expression. i lost his birth certificate somehow in the move and going through our stuff in search of it, i felt as if i were sifting through another family's possessions. i just feel no attachment for our material goods now that i feel more confident that we'll be leaving the country again. so books will go to the used book shop, housewares to friends and family that need them, and excess clothes to the thrift shop.
it's an act of faith, this lightening.
i have a lot of fabric and between homeschooling the boys, work, and studying japanese, i will not use it and probably won't have an opportunity in the near future. it would make me *so* happy to know it was in the hands of those who would appreciate it. if you would like some free fabric, please email me or leave a comment. tell me what colors you like, if you are in need of floral designs, etc., and i will send you a little package no matter where you are.
hope you are all well. take care.
xo

conscious blogging

i've been meaning to return to this space but lately all spare moments find me tired or negative and neither mood is a good one for blogging. also, i am using my parents' computer and am without a camera so i hestitate to post without an image to balance my words. i sometimes wish i had more time to give to my writing because it doesn't often do justice to our situation. i worry that without a cheerful picture, i come off as being petulant and redundant. so i was surprised when ladybug zen selected me to be among the bloggers that she so kindly bestowed with an excellent blog award. reading her description of my blog made me determined that today i would post something here and so i did something i have never done so far, i wrote a rough draft on paper. it is something i intend to repeat as i want to be more conscious about what i put here. i felt compelled to write because she's spot on, we are utterly homesick for japan and our stay in the states thus far has been bittersweet. there are plenty of sweet moments, of course, as there are bound to be in a loving family. the frustrating elements have been external: our inability to make any strides professionally or academically. through it all though, our little family has remained a cozy nest.
we moved back here with the intention to save money for our next step, which we believed was going to be graduate school for me. it doesn't look like that will happen. with the recession and two little children to support, we really can't afford the time and money it would take to pursue that route. so instead, we are now looking at the possibility of returning to japan by august. that gives us about five months to study japanese, get our passports in order, and find a teaching position. i know i said about a year ago that we were planning to do this but i will admit that i was being very picky about the jobs that i applied for. this time i am more open to positions and locations. this time i am not crossing my fingers for this time it is not a matter of chance but will. so no more lamenting about japan. we are entering a new chapter and i intend to put more effort into this documentation process. thank you for putting up with me for so long. and thank you ladybug zen for thinking of me.

in transition

it is nearing midnight here and outside the window an owl is hooting.
i just walked away from watching a program that was so disturbing it made me want to cry. i've been reading these parenting books and what i like about both books is that they promote the notion of parents learning how to behave. watching the frontline program really made me aware of how it is the adults and their behavior that turn children into what they diagnose as being psychotic. it is really a crazily unhealthy society here for young ones. for everyone, actually.
we are still in between here and there. here being my parents' house and there being our apartment where our poor kitty is undoubtedly lonesome. jason and i have a big day of moving tomorrow. today was supposed to be dedicated to the task but we took the afternoon off to take the kids over to the park and then i spent the evening playing extreme hide and seek with sebastian. we also did a lot of racing up and down the driveway which wore me out way before it did him.
already a sense of relief is descending, making us feel that our decision is indeed the positive one that we need. the next few weeks will be all about shifting and reorganizing, about finding the right paths. i look forward to starting a little garden in the yard and of investigating the local parents' co-op preschool as well as contacting the island montessori school to see if they need any volunteers.
oh, and how interesting that this should be taking place in nara.
i'll probably be wrapped up in the moving affairs for a bit. i hope you are well. take care.
xo

the year of the rat

2008 is the year of the rat, a year of opportunities, of socialization and tending to the family. the year of the rat is a time for preparation, for organization.
this year there will be numerous changes for our little family. jason and i both started new part-time jobs this week and hopefully better opportunities loom on the horizon. we are moving and then in a few months, we plan to move again. to someplace not in florida or japan (though, of course, if something opened up there...). i'm enrolling sebastian in a pre-k and we now intend to send him to kindergarden in the fall. it seems only fair to him since we can't focus on homeschooling at this time with all the other changes occurring. jason might go to a school that he has been longing to go to. i might go to grad school, i might pursue some other route. the details aren't clear but what is obvious is that this is a year we are taking by the horns (or perhaps the tail?). 2007 was a year of meditation, of sorting through the possibilities. we enter the new year lighter and determined, with solid goals and the strength to work towards them.
instead of resolutions, we are adopting the suggestions from the back of a calendar that we were lucky enough to receive from our local and tiny japanese market. each month has some wise truism, like this month's "an investment in knowledge always pays the best interest". words to live by. (that doesn't seem flaky, does it? well, you should click on the image and you too will wish you had such a handy calendar on your wall.)



p.s. hey heather and family! i've been trying to get in touch with you! please email me asap! xo

home

our home is not just our apartment with its gleaming pine floors and wrought iron balcony. it is not just the perfect warm afternoon light that makes even the flaws look appealing. it goes beyond our walls. it is the way our neighbor's laugh carries from the top floor. it is the sidewalk that leads to parks for picnics, for letting the boys get their last ya-yas out under the stars, for taking our old bread to feed the ducks and geese. it is our neighborhood grocery store where they know the boys' names, where the girl who works in the deli always comments on how she remembers when i was pregnant with nico, amazed at the flight of time.
i am not unreasonably sentimental tonight. you see, next week we will pack our bags and go back to my hometown in an effort to collect the funds necessary to move some place unknown but equally temporary. we knew our current situation was limited. we have a few more stops before we can truly settle down and grow our roots. we just didn't realize this would happen so soon. in the end, i know it is for the best but tonight, i feel sad as i detach from the place that has been our home for a year and a half.

新年おめでとうございます｡

Happy 2008! I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season. I have a lot to share but will have to postpone that for another post. In the meantime, here are some pictures from our first day in the new year. Three years ago our dear friends introduced us to the joy of New Year's Day kite flying and we have now incorporated it into our family traditions. A very good way to begin the new year, laughing and playing under the bluest of blue skies.




Wishing you all a wonderful new year.
XO