and nico makes four

moving...

2009-08-15T00:28:00.001+09:00

i've been in this space since nico's birth but i think you'll soon agree that we have outgrown it. so, please come visit us in our new space. take care.

secrets...

2009-07-31T21:03:00.002+09:00

so, if you haven't figured it out by now, we are hording secrets here. yes, secrets with a nice curvy s on the end.
i have never been really one for secrets but since we are so far away, it is kind of fun to be able to have a secret or two for a while.
believe me, they are good. so good that they consume a lot of our focus these days. so if my posts are sporadic, it is because i am trying to keep my lips sealed for a bit longer. just a bit. because i am discovering the joy of keeping a secret before i share with everyone.

in the meantime, i should be back soon with some summery pictures. mainly of the boys on the hunt for insects. or blowing bubbles. we just returned from an evening trip to the park where jason and i played badminton and nico and sebastian ran around chasing dragonflies. the weather has been very nice these last few days with no rain and the temperatures peaking at a mere 80 degrees F. it is hard to believe tomorrow is august. but it is. and with it exciting things await. like jason's 32nd birthday. 32. he is definitely not what i thought 32 looked like when i was young. he boasts of no grey hairs or wrinkles or stiff joints yet. even from the far distance of my twenties, he looks rather spry and youthful for such an advanced age. and august will also mark the ninth year that i've been hanging out with the old man. nine years, both long and short. full to bursting.

anyway, i will eventually have to let you in on our secrets but in the meantime, you can anticipate and guess your heart out. there is some fun in that as well.

夏休みを始めましょ！

2009-07-20T05:53:00.003+09:00

(translation of title: Let's start summer holidays!)

So some of you probably started summer a long time ago. Back in May, right? Well, this weekend is the official kick off of summer in Japan. The beaches are now officially open here on Gotou and will continue to be so for about a month. Not that you can't go when they are not officially open, just don't expect any of the nice amenities like showers, somen noodle stands, or a direct bus stop. The showers and somen we can live without but we like the summer bus routes. Otherwise, you might see us treking many kilometers. Like when we went to Takahama over Golden Week. 45 minutes on a bus then one hour of walking to the beach. But it is a gorgeous beach.

There is a beach within relative walking distance from our house but last year we were a little disappointed with it. As in we don't like to find medical waste and random trash from Australia littering the beach where we want to play. To give poor Mukada beach the benefit of the doubt, we had been having a lot of gale force winds so it was probably not the best day to go to any beach. Also, with the declining population, many of the beaches are ignored for the more popular ones so there is no one there to groom the smaller beaches.

So my mission this summer, since it will be our last on this island, is to find a good beach near us. We scouted out one beach on Saturday but the sea was a little choppy that day so it was hard to judge. We are using this Gotou Tourism website to do a little exploring from home and comparing it with our trusty bus route and schedule website. The top two contenders are currently Ohama Beach
and Hamada Beach, seen here:

Today we were supposed to go to Ohama Beach to celebrate 海の日 (usually translated as Marine Day but since in America we think of another type of Marine, I like to translate it to Sea Day) but the forecast calls for rain so I guess it will have to wait until Saturday. And Sunday. And all the weekends after that.

like walking through a warm bath

2009-07-13T13:09:00.005+09:00

it is too hot today. not florida scorching hot but heavily humid. i feel like i am underwater when i step outside. not that inside is much better. unless it is nap time and we indulge our sweaty nicolai in a cool room to doze in.

sorry to be so silent here. everything is good, just busy.
we aren't on the internet that much these days. will be again as school starts up and i go back to my proofreading gig. i should be on more with the writing workshop but i am kinda burned out with it. i think it is just not my thing. but i will stick it out and see it to the end. almost ready to see the start of classes again though with my leave of absence i now have a lot to make up. but it is doable. i am also in the throes of studying for the japanese test that will be in december.

sebastian is an inspiration there as he diligently does his japanese characters (hiragana and now kanji!) every morning and is beginning to read japanese books solo. we help him with english and numbers in the evenings. it is very step by step, maybe only fifteen minutes with each subject, but the daily sessions have made a definite improvement. he'll be reading japanese and english by the fall, i'll wager.

oy vey, as one grandmother we know would put it.
nico is insane. he's a little powerhouse of determination and willfulness and maybe that sounds redundant but if you knew him, you would know that he deserves the overemphasis. he's too smart. like in the, hey, i am smart enough to know all my abcs and be able to count to 30 so i guess i can go outside by myself and see where sebastian and mama went to. in a diaper. and a gross sweaty tee shirt. and rain boots. (we have double locks and he undid both of them, with the help of a chair) jason found him with a helpful local girl on the other side of the bridge. gasp. the river. the road. the cars (read: the taxis). heart attack city. then later that day we go for a family stroll and all the shopkeepers along the main street come out and tell how they saw him walk by their shops. walk by. alone. main street. intersections. driveways. did i mention the taxis? my hair is absolutely white now. mr. independence. he was following me and sebastian to school though that is not where we were (it being a saturday). jason was frantically searching the neighborhood, looking down steep concrete steps. it was when he ran to the river to face one of the dreaded places to search that he saw nico sitting with the girl. and was he upset? no. he explained that he was looking for me and sebastian and that we were going to go get ice cream.
you may wonder, how did jason not know he was gone all that time? nico had been happily building airplanes with his legos and jason stepped away from him for two minutes. one, two. and hearing the kids outside playing, jason assumed that nico went to join them (which he often puts on his boots to try and do). but in the meantime, nico was trotting along in the opposite direction. he knows how to walk on the side of the street, how to look both ways, how to wait for the green signal. but nico. is. too. smart. for. his. own. good.
yikes. anyway, the little devil is waking and it is time to retrieve sebastian from yochien. i'm home after another dentist appointment and jason is subbing for me. so i thought i would share a little snippet of our life with you. now it is your turn. yes, you. how are you?

A Little Bit of Watching=A Lot of Inspiration

2009-06-25T21:35:00.003+09:00

Measuring Happiness: A snippet about the glorious kingdom of Bhutan's Gross National Happiness
The Dalai Lama's Shifting Direction + Monks in Exile: A bit about Tibetans in exile. So admirable.
An Inspiring American: Truly awesome man.

6

2009-06-20T08:16:00.002+09:00

I want to say how did this happen. How did I end up with this funny, intelligent guy whose head is almost at the towering heights of my shoulders (okay, towering may be an exaggeration)? But I know. I've had a few years of him shifting. Last year, there was only a shadow of the baby left in his cheeks. Now he is pure kid.
Yesterday, Sebastian stood on the school stage for the monthly birthday party and said introduced himself and stated his wishes for the following year. In Japanese. He stumbled a bit (out of stage fright) and his classmates all rushed to assist him, loudly whispering his cues.
We had to read a message to him as his parents but being the teacher as well, I sat it out. Gladly since I would have been a little emotional. Because truly, we are so, so proud of him. He inspires us to hope for lost or forgotten dreams. He teaches us to be patient and compassionate.
So as usual on his birthday, I give thanks.
Happy 6th Birthday, Sebastian Olivier.

(and don't you worry, Nico's in on the love too)

june (a)

2009-06-06T06:04:00.003+09:00

good morning. i am sorry the posts here have been so spotty these last few months. we've been busy with work and school and life and haven't had much opportunity for reporting what's happening. that's natural, i think.

this last week we've been sick, nico and i especially. i took a few days off and had for the first time a substitute teacher who i could beg to go in for me: jason. i armed him with lesson plans and taught him the gestures to songs then went back to bed. usually with the lap top so i could work on a season of law and order.

nico was pretty sick and we went to the doctor which was actually the first time since he was an infant so i guess we are lucky. for a grand total of about 13 bucks we saw a lovely, English speaking doctor and got plenty of medication to knock the virus out of his system. he's on the mend now and it is good since we have to go into the city again. for those new visa stickers.

so, we are staying for a bit longer despite the drawbacks. it mainly has to do with the economy. we cannot in good conscious leave a decent position during a recession/depression. it would be foolish. many strange things have been coming out in the news and we have heard the concern of some caring grandparents, but really, compared to the news in america, everything is peaches and cream here.

i'm in a writing workshop. this last week i've been out of the saddle and owe quite a bit of writing and i am not sure when i can make it up. i can say that i don't like writing on short deadlines, that it stunts my creativity. i don't need acres of time but a week doesn't give me enough opportunity to think and write.
anyway, i am sure we'll be back soon with pictures from nagasaki and probably many hydrangea pictures since i'm sweet on them. sorry to be so infrequent but we're trying to get our act together and you will be seeing more of us soon.

take care.

may (c)

2009-05-28T21:44:00.003+09:00

So, a lot of news coming from this part of the world so just to reassure you, I thought I would show you where we are. You see the word "FUKUOKA" on the map. Okay, so if you go a little bit under the first "U" in Fukuoka then you'll see a group of small green dots. Our island is the largest of those dots. We are really close to South Korea but luckily South Korea does a good job at blocking the temperamental North. No one here is too worried right now. They are mainly still fretting about the swine flu and if the Ironman Japan Triathlon will take place, and thus bring hundreds of worldly and possibly infected athletes to our sleepy island. Masks are sold out here as people stockpile them or send them to loved ones in cities where the masks can't stay on the shelves longer than a minute. I think it is like living next to any crazy neighbor, you get used to their antics and threats after a while. So, if you were wondering, we're okay for now.

may (b)

2009-05-22T05:32:00.003+09:00

the light is grey and changing, stretching into a new day. for nico, as soon as it is not pitch black outside we must get up. luckily it is only me who he insists on joining him, allowing sebastian and jason to sleep until a normal waking hour. nico has a cold and between sneezes sips milk (i know, not the best thing for a cold but that is what he wanted and i don't argue with two year olds at four in the morning) and laughs at grover on sesame street.

it is friday and i am happy as it has been a long teaching week. nothing exactly terrible but just an overall dissatisfaction with the job. that is the way teaching goes; it is very cyclical and i am sure something more inspirational will occur next week to make up for the mundane of this past week. i love my students but feel trapped by the limits of the position, of how much i can accomplish as a foreign language teacher meeting with them between 20 to 60 minutes once a week. the weekend will pass in a flash but it is my time and i savor it. i enjoy racing dinosaurs and doing intensive cleaning, preparing for another five days.

last night we had the first corn of the season. corn here on the island is really popular. it grows all over the place and is a ubiquitous summer food. the boys had already eaten when i came in so when i popped down to the neighborhood store to gather some food for jason's and my dinner, i only picked up two ears. a definite mistake. as soon as they saw what i had, they were jumping up and down in excitement. so a half a piece for each of us. they laughed while they ate it, so thoroughly enjoying such a simple food as blanched corn on the cob. no salt, no butter. just plump yellow and white kernels, freshly shucked. afterwards, they begged for some of the plain yogurt i picked up for breakfast. to have for dessert. simple pleasures.

time is passing so quickly it's a wonder i bother to complain about the long work week. today, being the 22nd of May, brings nico up to two and a half. which means in six more months he'll be three. and of course in less than a month, a certain someone will turn six. six. i'm trying to wrap my head around it. some days he seems up for the job but others makes me wish we could have an extension.
other may happenings include my parents' 47th anniversary, which i missed congratulating them on. so, happy belated congratulations to both of you. (aside to Dad, "I know it isn't easy to put up with Mom but you do it so well". an aside to Mom, "I know it isn't easy to put up with Dad but you do it so well" :) ).
(there is also a sister's birthday coming up but i can only mention it here if i also pass on birthday salutations to my other sister and my brother, both of whom i forgot to wish happy, happy birthday. i think it has something to do with my brain not working so well during the winter. )

it really doesn't feel like may here. the days are mild and the nights are cool. the rainy season is fast approaching and for pedestrians, we have to hope it won't be too bad this year. the good thing is that the rainy season brings on the hydrangeas, my favorite flower. there is one shade of the blossoms that can only be described as perfect dusk.

time to make coffee and breakfast for the sleepers. hope you are all well. take care.

may (a)

2009-05-19T20:13:00.002+09:00

Mail Order:

Today we received the goods from a recent shopping trip to Muji. Living disconnected from most everything, we have become regular mail order customers. We figured out early on that for a small fee, it was a lot better to have the store deliver our usually cumbersome order a week later. It absolutely beats trying to haul it on the ferry and back to our abode. Today, in fact we received some much needed bedding (sheets, pillows, pillow cases!), storage units for clothes (which will hopefully solve the difficulty of cramming and uncramming clothes everyday), as well as a new oscillating fan with a nice "mote patroller" as Sebastian calls it (translation: remote control). We are doing what we can to prepare for the upcoming summer. After a harrowing winter, we know better than to face another extreme season unarmed.

I have factored a small monthly allowance into our monthly budget for ordering books from the Japanese Amazon. We have tried to resist this indulgence but we need books. Our other regular place to order from is Tengu, a natural health store that provides us with beans beyond edamame and azuki, as well as tamari for Jason and nutritional yeast for the boys (they call it cheese).

One place I try to avoid shopping at is the Foreign Buyers' Club, as the goods are too tempting (for sentimental, homesick reasons) for the prices they charge. I understand why the prices are so inflated but still, it is hard to justify it. We do our best to make do with what we have and for the most part, we are far from suffering. I was just looking through their online catalog and for fun adding anything that I liked to the cart. The grand total was a stunning amount of yen. Yikes. No, I don't really need Honey Nut Cheerios for roughly 14 bucks. Or that bag of Cape Cod Salt and Vinegar chips (up there with cheese on foods I miss) for 6 dollars.

So the point of this post. Enjoy what you have where you are. And if you are in a place where Salt and Vinegar chips aren't the same price as a movie ticket, pop a bag open and enjoy them for me. And I, in turn, will enjoy something that is here for you. Like Kyushu Shoyu chips (soy sauce) from Calbee. Believe me, it is a fair trade.

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-08T21:45:00.003+09:00

So, we are headed again to Nagasaki this weekend to take care of some immigration related business. This means I won't be here to wish all you lovely mothers a happy, happy Mother's Day. Instead of carnations or a card done up in pastels, I have made a donation to Women for Women International with all of you mothers near and far in mind.

Lately, I have been reading the news in the morning and this means I start every day with more awareness of the dire and tragic circumstances that other women wake up to. Such as the recent attempt of Sri Lankan refugees to flee from warfare to India. I was particularly struck by the part about the mother who managed to save her eight month old son from death by breastfeeding him until her own final hours, a day before the rescue.

Or this disturbing piece on the status of women in Afghanistan.

I am not sharing these with you simply to depress you, though be careful as they aren't exactly going to add a skip to your walk. I share these with you because both of them illustrate how amazing mothers are, how incredibly strong even when all power is stripped away. When I came across Women for Women International, I knew that I had to give what I could because really, as a mother, I am incredibly lucky. My children are safe and healthy and within reach and I am so, so grateful for that.

Happy Mother's Day.
With Much Love,
Me

Call Me Okaasan: A Review

2009-05-06T11:59:00.007+09:00

Over my extended spring break last month, I had the opportunity to read the soon to be released Call Me Okaasan: Adventures in Multicultural Mothering, edited by Suzanne Kamata. This book is a collection of personal essays written mainly by expat mothers living around the globe as well as a few by multiculturally-minded mothers. As an expat mother, I have often searched for such a book as the predicament of raising children outside of your home culture and known resources is often isolating and frankly, difficult. As these eloquently written essays illustrate, it is definitely a challenge but within that challenge there is ground for growth as both parents and as humans.

All of the essays share a poignant perspective that captures the triumphs and defeats involved with raising children abroad and at home. The unique situations faced by the different writers such as Saffia Farr’s experience with the antiquated health care in Kyrgyzstan during her first pregnancy (“Dr. Bucket in Bishkek”, page 30) or Devorah Lifshutz’s trials in attempting to raise her children bilingually in Israel (“Promises to Myself”, page 169) allows readers insight into worlds that aren’t described in travel guides. These mothers are on the ground, struggling with controlling in-laws, uncooperative schools, prying neighbors. They witness their children growing into people unimagined at conception, accepting host languages as the dominant form of communication within the home, and allowing themselves to surrender to what it means to be truly bicultural.

Out of all of these excellent essays, the one that hit closest to home for me was Holly Thompson’s “Two Versions of Immersion” (page 113). In it, Thompson described her experience moving, much like we did, with her husband and small children to Japan without too much consideration of what it really means to live here as an expat family. I honestly was very disturbed by this essay because it made me realize the extreme amount of effort and energy involved with bringing children up through the Japanese school system. It’s not that I am lazy: it is just I don’t know how I can manage to learn enough Japanese in order to support my kids in their education. And then the education system that Thompson described fanned my own sparks of concern about the topic. It was interesting that the older child, who had gone to school in the States before moving to Japan, was the one who felt bullied and bored in school. His younger sister, on the other hand, who had started preschool in Japan did not share his problems and thrived in Japanese schools. This made me wonder if it was just a matter of not having a basis for comparison that made life easier for the daughter. In the end, it seemed that the family had found a healthy balance of culture and language, which is encouraging and inspiring.

I was particularly drawn to this essay besides for the shared host country because both of the parents were American. Most bicultural families that we encounter typically have one expat parent and one native parent, thus a rather different situation than what we are facing right now. The book is very satisfying in this regard as it includes such a wide variety of situations that there is bound to be some essay that the reader can relate to. This book may be written by multicultural mothers but the audience will be much broader than that small sliver of the population. Families considering moving abroad, as many are in these dire economic times, as well as readers just curious about a more grounded experience of life in foreign countries will benefit from this book. Beyond the journey-bound, other readers will profit from truths that have no borders, shared candidly and poetically in the pages of Call Me Okaasan.

april (g)

2009-04-28T19:58:00.000+09:00

i love humans.
enjoy.

april (f)

2009-04-21T21:05:00.002+09:00

Hello there.

I'm going to take a break from the blog for a bit. And hopefully from the internet. If you want to get in touch you can reach us on skype (technically the internet, i know) at iheartkansai or drop us an old fashioned postcard: 1070-1 Fukue-cho Gotou-shi, Nagasaki-ken 853-0007. We'd love to hear from you.

Hope you are all well and we'll be in touch soon. Take care.

april (e)

2009-04-18T05:57:00.002+09:00

Hello Weekend. How glad I am to see you.

Sebastian is doing well in his new class. He has a new teacher this year as his old teacher quit due to conflict with my infamous boss. The boss' sister is Sebastian's new teacher. She's been teaching at the school for about 35 years so she has experience. She's known for being strict but I've seen that since she's been back in the capacity of a regular teacher (she was an assistant for a few years), she's become quite affectionate and warm towards her students. Sebastian likes her so far. She came down to the office where I was one morning to express her surprise at how much Japanese Sebastian knows now. He can do more than just function now, he is actually in the mix. I am constantly surprised when I hear him speaking Japanese because he knows more than I do. He doesn't hesitate to question which particle he should use. He just uses it. And, he is starting to write in hiragana at school and loves it. So, our nomadic ways have been tamed for a bit since we at least want him to finish kindergarten here.

This weekend we are going to explore different parts of the island then return here for some sewing and preparation for next week. It is almost time to switch to the summer uniforms (next month) and we have to make sure it still fits. Sebastian is the tallest kid at school now, if you can believe it. It is really strange to see him at school assemblies, his auburn head bobbing a bit above the black heads of his friends. And then to hear him turn to his friends and speak so easily... my heart swells with pride but more with admiration. He inspires me.

Hope you are all well. Take care.

april (d)

2009-04-11T18:49:00.003+09:00

on the way to his first day of kindergarten:: opening ceremony:: he played the drums in in ode to joy

waiting/playing while sebastian became an official kindergartener

easter check list:

-dye eggs: check
-make deviled eggs: check
-make chocolate eggs: in progress
-make potato salad:
-make carrot cake with "grass" and "easter eggs" on top:
-make bbq sauce:
-help prepare the way for a certain bunny to visit: check

in our house, we celebrate easter in a very secular but fun way. i honestly tried to figure out how to make baked beans but all we have here are azuki beans and soy beans. i did order this pattern but it hasn't arrived yet so the easter bunny had to modify her plans. i am making their easter candy by melting good chocolate and pouring it into egg shaped molds. i have little colored foils for wrapping them up. tomorrow morning if the weather is as gorgeous as today, we will trek up to the central park and bring the colored eggs with us. i know we will look a little odd, but so what? when have we ever not looked odd?
i hope you are all enjoying the weekend. take care.
xoxo

april (c)

2009-04-07T19:05:00.000+09:00

i want to see this.

who does she think she is?

april (b)

2009-04-04T12:39:00.003+09:00

from the lobby of a multi-storied abandoned hotel here on the island

so, just so you know, i am still interested in your input about the last post. i have always had questions about this but things have been stirred up in my mind by reading a collection of essays about parenting abroad.

last two days of spring break. hair cuts and baker's clay. rain and sandwiches.

verbs:
listening to this this american life episode about the recession.
looking at these pictures of different recession related images from around the world.
looking forward to this movie that jason introduced me to with the description that it seems a bit like us.
trying to figure out where we fit into this puzzle. as usual.
hoping you are all well.

take care.

april (a)

2009-04-03T12:52:00.002+09:00

warning: this is a really long post.

i don't know. i just don't know.
i've been thinking too much lately. thinking about what we are doing here, on this island, in this country. i know the immediate reasons but the long term? i am uncertain.
i've been considering racism and bullying in japan. wondering if things will ever change. wondering if it is better to give up or stand up.
every generation always says the next generation will have it better. that things are better than they once were. but on this island, we live as in amber. there is no change.
the argument that rises when people question racism, discrimination, condoned school violence is that it is their country. they get to choose.
but....
but.....
is it just my happy-go-lucky white american view of multiculturalism and globalization?
does this explain why i feel that everyone around the world needs to let go of prejudice and accept that we are all in this human mess together?
is it better in america?
i don't know. my america is the american south, a region riddled with racial tension and tremendous prejudice. a place where even in my last part-time job, i saw a girl get fired because of "cultural differences" that didn't mix well with the team. aka she was black. i defended her but i didn't quit over it. i needed the paycheck. which made me feel part of it.
which brings me back to japan. we are the token whites. our children are fair and nico looks like a kewpie doll (he gets called kewpie-chan all the time). people give them money, presents, and snacks just for being cute. nico gets it more than sebastian this time. sebastian no longer has red hair but nico's blond is still shining bright, fitting into the stereotype of ideal foreign-ess. he gets a ridiculous amount of attention for his looks. luckily he's not very aware of it, for being two he naturally expects everyone to treat him like the sun. in general, toddlers in japan do get a lot of attention but nothing compares to this.
and yet, is it acceptance? no, it is just the blond hair. so again, i feel in our own way we are supporting racism since it works in our favor right now.
do i have the right to make my children the discriminated against minority? should i gamble that sebastian and nico will be the lucky ones? that they will have good friends and supportive teachers, unlike many others? it's not the minority status i fear, but the institutionalized racism that allows bullying to flourish. the fact that so little is done to amend it makes me wonder, what am i doing here?
at times like these, i try to put on my objective lens that i crafted during my undergraduate studies. but the mama lens refuses to be removed.
raising the kids bilingually and biculturally has to be worth it, right? we have to hope so. but maybe we are wrong. are the benefits of bilingualism enough to overcome what could potentially be a traumatic childhood? i am just being neurotic i suppose but i have to get this out here and ask you, what do you think? seriously, i really need some perspective. thank you.

march (l)

2009-04-01T17:34:00.004+09:00

so this last week of my spring break is chilly and a bit grey but we are still having fun.

today we made pizza with some of sebastian's school chums and while they played with mountains of plastic go onger toys, the mothers broke out their dictionaries, confessed their ages, and were wowed by jason's typical weekly menus, based on washoku.
tomorrow is another day of hanami, this time with his class. it is a weird thing being involved in these school-related functions. i am actually hoping just to send jason so i can have some time with nico at home but most likely i will be roped in as well. i don't want to sound anti-social, i just think it is a different world for those moms. they made plans for making okonomiyaki after school next week, but of course, i can't go. because i have to teach. it is strange being a working mother in a land where staying at home to mother is the norm.
but unless something changes, jason will continue to be the stay at home parent and so he gets to make okonomiyaki and negotiate play dates and talk about the wonders of the daikon. i am not really jealous as it has always been this way for us. jason lives in a different part of japan. i get the insight into education and he gets the insight into vegetables and family matters. to each his own.
for those curious, we use this fantastic book for most of our meals.

march (k)

2009-03-30T07:46:00.002+09:00

The pictures from our trip are on flickr, so pop over there. What follows is a (fairly) brief account of the journey.

DAY 1: So, as I mentioned, we had to wait for the noon ferry due to the weather. Unfortunately, though it was no longer storming, the ferry ride was really rough. If you dared to look out the window, you would see the white caps of the waves for a moment then it would shift to the cloudy sky for a moment. Up and down, up and down. I am actually getting a bit seasick thinking of it so let's move on, shall we?
It took five hours to get to Nagasaki this time instead of the typical three and a half hours. So when we arrived, we immediately found our streetcar and went to the hostel. Leaving our stuff, we went out seeking dinner then came back and went to sleep. Bedtime while traveling was essentially the same, if not better, than usual. Bathtime then pajamas and storytime. The room was so snug that it made it really easy to take care of everything, making me wish we lived in an apartment again.

DAY 2: Woke up and headed to Nagasaki station where we caught a bus bound for the Biopark. The bus ride is a little over an hour but the scenery was captivating enough to keep Sebastian happy while Nico took a nap. Nico's automatic response to public transportation seems to be "it's time to sleep" as every time he would board a subway, bus, or eventually a plane, he would take off his shoes and infamous hat and settle down for a little doze.
The Biopark is a terrific place and the weather that day was beautiful. We like the Biopark because it is not like typical Japanese zoos. And because you get to touch capybaras and monkeys. It gives the animals more space and thus gives the kids a better understanding of their lives. Most Japanese zoos are throwbacks to the 1970s with one example of an animal trapped in a tiny concrete floored cage. But we'll come back to that on Day 5. Anyway, after much exploration, touching, and handwashing, we caught the bus back to the city.
There we went to the giant CocoWalk mall where we played at the Dick Bruna and Borne stores and ate a mochi that had been pressed into a waffle. Afterwards, dinner and bedtime.

DAY 3: Another bus ride but this time we went to the Nagasaki Penguin Aquarium. We were really surprised by how nice this place was. Not only penguins, it also showcased the marine life around Nagasaki. We went to a near-by park for a nice hanami (flower viewing) picnic under the cherry blossoms. The kids played for a while there then eventually we headed back to Nagasaki proper.

DAY 4: Woke up and headed to the train station to catch a limited express train to Hakata/Fukuoka. I love riding on limited express trains. The land between Nagasaki and Hakata was coastal and dotted with thatched roofs and mountains wrapped in pink from all the cherry trees. Left our stuff in a locker once we arrived and went exploring. Fukuoka is a big (huge by our standards) city, very clean and populated. So many people everywhere. Walking, driving, riding bikes and buses, eating in restaurants and drinking in cafes. Very different from Gotou. Eventually we headed to our guesthouse, which was behind a udon restaurant as in you have to go through the restaurant to get to the guesthouse. Nice little room that met our needs for the two nights we slept there. We went out for a walk and found Canal City, a mall complete with a Pokemon Center and helpful robots.

DAY 5: Headed to the American Consulate for Sebastian's passport renewal (both parents have to be present for minors to get their passports). Heavily secured building and lots of little annoying details but eventually we escaped and fled to the huge park across the way. A gorgeous place that made me envy those who got to use it on a regular basis. Leaving there, we headed to the zoo. It took a while to get there because my navigation skills were marred by riding on the subways (yeah, that means I got us lost, quite a bit). So the zoo. The zoo. Very crowded due to spring break. Many happy families climbing the steep slopes to check out tigers and tapirs. The animals? Well, not so happy. I think every single one of them was mentally ill due to being isolated and trapped in such poor conditions. Supposedly they are working to renovate the place, which I hope is true. Afterwards, the mall again. Sebastian scored a pokemon onigiri bento (riceball lunch box) and a pokemon picnic sheet for school trips. I had more coffee from my old green aproned employers and Sebastian was entertained by a very genki Australian juggler and the fountain show, performed with the music from Mamma Mia.

DAY 6: We woke early and took all of our (by this time) heavy junk out to the airport and stashed it away in a locker. Then back to the mall for some Muji shopping and some omiyage for school. We tried for another hanami picnic but the park I had spied before was now taken over by elderly people playing croquet and on the other side, some people who were using benches as beds and newspapers as blankets. So on we went until we found a vacant bench along the river that they happened to be dredging so we could eat while the boys watched. Eventually, we headed to the airport and waited for our little plane back to our little island. Then a taxi ride home and sleep.

march (j)

2009-03-27T20:14:00.002+09:00

and we're back.

i'll pop in tomorrow with a full day-by-day detailed story of our adventures but now we are exhausted. sebastian is zoning out playing pbskids.org and nico has been asleep since the plane. jason went out looking for some food, which is obviously proving difficult as he's been gone over an hour and it's only a little after 8. ah, small town life...
anyway, i hope you had a wonderful week as well. take care.
xoxo

march (i)

2009-03-22T07:59:00.002+09:00

off we go.
we are actually delayed by the weather right now. according to the agenda, we should be on a ferry at this moment. there was a terrible storm (again) akin to what we call tropical storms last night. crazy wind, rain, and lightning. this morning it is still grey and soggy but not too terrible. we missed our ferry mainly because it is hard to convince two sleepy boys that ferries don't wait for latecomers. instead of getting frustrated, we simply said, let's wait for the next one. it is our vacation after all. we know from experience that patience and acceptance of our limits are necessary.
anyway, so farewell for now. we'll check back in here next week. hope your first week of spring is glorious and warm. take care.
xoxo

march (h)

2009-03-20T06:35:00.003+09:00

Well, Sebastian is now a kindergartener. His new class is Matsu (Pine). He was a Chrysanthemum (kiku) before. If we were in the States, he would be finishing up his year of kindergarten now yet I think this works out well. His birthday is in late June so this means here he is not too old and not too young. He's just right.
So now on to Spring vacation. And Spring.
You know it is Spring when you find yourself walking around after dark, eating ice cream sandwiches, and checking out the cherry blossom buds. Yesterday when I visited the second school which is at the foot of the mountains (where all those country-side pictures come from), I noticed little clouds of pink dotting the mountain-side. Today, we'll attempt our first hanami (flower viewing) picnic in our usual mountain spot near our house. It is expected to be crowded since there are so many cherry blossoms there and today is a holiday. But on this island, it is always interesting to see crowds.
Sunday we will board the ferry and go to Nagasaki. Three nights there and then on to Fukuoka for two more nights. The main purpose in going there is to visit the consulate which I am oddly looking forward to since I think there might be Americans there. Also, I've been reading this Fukuoka magazine and am intrigued by the city. Especially by all the different restaurants. I hope we can find Mana Burgers, at least. We suspect we are going to like Fukuoka as it seems like a really bustling but progressive city. There is also an added attraction for Sebastian and Nico, another zoo. So that will make three animal parks in six days. Of course, to be perfect, Sebastian would prefer it was six parks in six days.
It will be our first time traveling further than Nagasaki since we've been here. It involves a long train ride and perhaps a plane back to the island. A very different change of pace but isn't that what vacations are about? After we return, we'll get another week off full of possibilities. I will be looking for this book and this book. You know it must be spring when dresses are again a possibility.
Like Jason said as we took our evening stroll, "Who can be discontent during Spring in Japan?". Not us.

march (g)

2009-03-17T19:39:00.003+09:00

The plum blossoms
never lie about the
approaching Spring

I am giving you this photo despite the lack of plum blossoms on the branches these days. They are giving way to the mighty sakura (cherry blossoms), which should be in full force in time for Spring break next week.
Ah, Spring break. This week I have my break from my graduate classes so tonight is my first homework free night in months. Thankfully. I am exhausted from them and very much need this time. I want to be productive, to study Japanese and sew and write but I think tonight I will celebrate by going to bed at a regular time. Like before 2 a.m..
Friday starts Sebastian's spring holidays and mine as well. I don't have to go back to work until April 5th. Lucky, lucky. On the agenda: the biopark, the penguin aquarium, and probably a trip to the u.s. consulate. Jason and Sebastian have to get their passports renewed and it has to be in person with both parents. Fun. I am trying to convince Jason that we should live large and go to the consulate in Osaka instead of Fukuoka but the jury is still out. If we could go to Osaka, then I think we would have to see a whale shark but we'd probably pass on the local zoos there as they smack of the 1970s with their tiny cages lined completely in concrete.
Sebastian brought home his school supplies and all the work he has done. I feature in many of his drawings as you can see from this example (it is of my English lesson with his class):

That's me: the brown one with curly hair. I am sometimes in pictures where I don't make sense but his explanation "oh, that is because I love you so much". My sweet one.

Anyway, I must run, Nico is making a ruckus in the next room. Hope you are all well. Take care.
xoxo

march (f)

2009-03-14T12:09:00.002+09:00

pretty, ne?
too bad this week hasn't been as nice.
we all caught the 24 hour bug (except for sebastian it was more like the 12 minute bug, lucky him) and i missed my first day of work. it was graduation week so i made it in for the past two days but jason succumbed to the bug and was down for the count while i was gone. this means the boys have had lots of snacks, ramen, and pbs kids to fill their time.
and today, much healthier but the weather? not so good. more wind, more rain, and it is cold again. urg, march. i used to like you. it doesn't help that i have been going through iphoto on my computer trying to lighten the load so i have to look at all these nice florida pictures.
on the agenda for this weekend: homework (as usual), movie watching, finishing a novel, train track construction and deconstruction, dinosaur battles, and other things that help us to get through these grey days so that we'll be ready for the sunny ones ahead.

march (e)

2009-03-09T20:38:00.005+09:00

"when i was little..." such a common utterance from sebastian's mouth these days.
"when i was little, i always picked up my toys."
"when i was little, i saw a turkey at the zoo and i said it scared me."
"when i was little, i never ate strawberries."
funny how he is sentimental while he creates myths about himself.

(if you notice, jason, sebastian, and i are all in the picture so that must mean the photographer was...)

march (d)

2009-03-08T07:06:00.003+09:00

good morning. here i am with my first cup of green tea for the day and the boys behind me watching their favorite program of recently, Super Why.

i've been having some interesting flashes of perspective lately. the first occurred last week when i went for a lunch-break walk and found a temple in the neighborhood. on the grounds there was a city of the deceased, the dead tucked gently away under towers of mossy stone and shiny marble. it was so quiet there you could almost hear the magnolia trees blooming. i felt very alive at that moment, as if i could feel all of my cells pulsate with life.
the second came yesterday when i read about a young woman battling a chronic infection that causes her to be in severe pain daily. her doctors weren't able to figure out what exactly was wrong or how to fix it. the solution that she was facing was surgery, major surgery to fix a pain mysterious in origin and uncertain of cure. after i read that, i laid down to sleep with my family and felt how extremely lucky i was. all this panic over choices takes away from seeing my life as it really is. so last night, laying in bed sandwiched between two boys whose breathing overlapped like waves, i came to a decision about all this future business.

i have decided that i will finish this semester and that i will take the summer semester off. during the summer, i will participate in a writing workshop. if i am ready, then i will return to the program in the fall and try to still graduate by next spring. as much as i don't like the degree, i think eventually it will be what i do with it not how it is currently constructed.
i also take the pressure off of myself to get professionally developed. i don't need to attend every teacher's conference and write research papers. i don't have to become this perfect stereotype of a teacher, a persona that would be false for me.

that being decided for the short-time, i also figured out that teaching will always be a part of my life as i really enjoy humans, simple as that sounds. yet it should be based on what i am passionate about. teaching grammar is not my passion as the only use i have for grammar is understanding how i can apply the rules to my writing. which made me realize that i am passionate about writing so... that is what i want to teach. i am not sure my current degree program is appropriate for this ambition so that is what i will be figuring out over the summer.

it may seem that writing is not a viable alternative for someone who has a family to support and is already in a field that has a certain amount of job security. yet, writing is similar to any other job in that you must invest a lot of time and energy into it. if i am willing to take such great measures for a career that started off as my "day job" out of university, then i should be willing to undergo even more for a dream that has lived in my heart since i was a small child.

so, that is settled. i just thought i would share that with you since you have had to read about my uncertainty and discontent.

now, time to go and have another cup of tea and get ready for sunday. a paper on noun phrases plus some pants' knees to patch and some origami creatures are all on today's agenda.

hope you are all well. take care and thanks for reading as i processed my hopes and fears here.
xoxo

march (c)

2009-03-06T18:24:00.003+09:00

well, the good thing is it stopped raining but the wild winds have returned.

i was talking to one of my adult students (who has a four year-old son who loves beetles) and she told me that the eggs that they had collected at the end of last summer had become grubs. so i guess it is time to take to the mountains this weekend and dig for some fat, white beetle larva. i'm also scouting about for tadpoles to bring home for a while. i almost forgot spring was coming. time to sprout some seeds and help them grow.

i think we might brave the winds today for the joy of sunshine and blue skies. and maybe some roller slide action...

march (b)

2009-03-03T20:55:00.003+09:00

i am very inspired by my dear friend rhett's recent accomplishment and have decided that i should take more active measures to create and write. part of my frustration lies within the fact that i don't have any time and that we are always having to move (or think about moving). yet, who else is going to grant me the opportunity to write besides for myself? so i have a few ideas up my sleeve that don't involve dropping out of grad school. (though there are a few up the other sleeve that include that idea. luckily it is my left sleeve so it has less sway.) actually, part of the reason i decided to pursue my matesol was because i thought that i could eventually teach creative writing in kyoto. i really like the work of 826 National and want to somehow merge that with english as a foreign language. so, i have to remember that original goal and not be swept up in how much i despise my grammar class. part of keeping my writer self alive within my teacher self has been my induction into the role of a proofreader. it is really interesting to learn how publications work and to be involved with the only monthly academic tesol journal in the world. i actually really enjoy reading it regardless of my occasional negative feeling about the field.
another idea i am thinking of is making tuesdays poetry tuesdays here. i used to participate in the now disbanded poetry thursdays and produced more poems than i have since it was cancelled. tuesday is a better day for me though since jason teaches a class on these nights and because it is the first day of the school week for my grad classes. tuesday is also daini day, which just means that i go to the second preschool every tuesday. i am afforded a longer lunch period there than i usually have (which is not saying much since i have no lunch break as i have to eat with the students) and use this time to walk around the rice fields and hear my own thoughts.
another writing opportunity that is coming up is my spring holiday. i get fifteen days off before the next school year starts so maybe i should try to set some sort of deadline for myself. not 50,000 words but perhaps complete a short story every other day. that would be a rather neck-breaking speed for anyone but particularly me as i never finish my stories so i am now at the rate of one story in two years.
jason is setting up his own flickr account and there is talk of a possible blog as well. don't expect it to be anything like this one, which is meant to be a compliment. he is more careful about what he writes and shares so it will be well-curated.
anyway, that is all for now. hope you are all well. take care.
xoxo

march (a)

2009-03-02T18:39:00.003+09:00

so here i am, up late to finish two papers on the exciting topics of the lexical approach and listening skills. i am pressing on despite a bit of anxiety and discouragement that you witnessed in my last post. i am continuing on because despite language education being one of my many secondary interests, i must see it through. patience and will power are key now.
i do think we need to change something around here though. until i figure out how to do that, we will just go on enjoying family life and the natural beauty that surrounds us.
thanks for listening to my usual malcontent. take care.
xoxo

february (m)

2009-02-28T19:20:00.003+09:00

it is a case of "it's not you, it's me".
it's not the island, it's me.
it's not my grad program or the degree, it's me.
i am the root. i am the irritation and the discomfort.
so, i am trying to figure out what to do? i have been reading over my journals and looking at my photos and posts on this blog and i see all these red flags, bright red and apparent.
i just am not sure if it is giving up or shifting directions.
i don't like my graduate program. i like teaching but i am not passionate about teaching english as a second/foreign language. i definitely don't want to teach at the university level anymore. so, that being said i also have to think about the fact that i am funding what isn't covered by scholarships with loans. if i quit now, then i owe money that went towards nothing. if i continue, i will triple my debt and be in a career that i don't want. it's sticky, isn't it?
usually i side with the continue and get the degree and pay off the debt. but now i am starting to wonder if it isn't worth the amount of debt accumulated for the knowledge that this isn't my path. i haven't decided yet.
i do know that i feel like i am missing out on my kids' youth because i have to spend these two years locking myself away and working on papers when i am not at work. i feel like if i could invest so much into what i don't want to do, then i should be able to do more with what i do want to do. yet such a move would be bold and courageous and i am typically timid when it comes to myself.
i wonder what my decision would be if there wasn't a recession to factor in.
these things i will continue to ponder but i will say that the idea of giving it up to be true to myself is exhilarating. it makes me feel as light as the sunshine.

february (l)

2009-02-28T00:13:00.003+09:00

today sebastian was in a short production of the japanese folk tale "rabbit in the moon". he was a mouse. he didn't get to sacrifice himself and go live on the moon like the nobler rabbits. but he had a good time. we think. he gets a bit stage stunned when he see us in the audience (i was there by default because i work there but still...). he kept this funny face on the entire time, as you can see in the flickr pictures i just uploaded. there is video to go along with it and probably for the benefit of the grandparents, we will manage to throw that up here as well sometime this weekend. in the meantime, ooh and ahh over the photos. i was very proud of sebastian for trying to follow along as well as he did. i bought him a little assortment of presents to sneak into his bag when he left school today and included some shinkansen bandaids. when i came home from work this evening, i got a big hug and a happy "thank you for the bandaids, mama!". easy to please, that kid.

february (k)

2009-02-25T22:40:00.002+09:00

there is this liz phair line that runs through my head when living on this rock of paradise gets to me: "Yes, I was stuck on an island, wondering where my mind went".
so, yeah, this place gets to me. i think it is partly because it is a small town and because of my working conditions. it also has something to do with being a self-declared city person and living 3.5 hours via ferry away from a city. sometimes my students ask if i am doing okay living on such a small island. i reply cheerfully that i grew up on a small island (well, right off of a small island) and they take that to be a positive remark. of course, my hometown has a bridge. two actually. it takes maybe a minute to cross that bridge. ironically part of the reason we love japan is because everything is so close. well, close if you don't live on a tiny island in the sea. i used to love going to kyoto station and looking at the timetables for destinations all across japan. the possibilities that awaited.
we like gotou. we do. but i am not sure if we like it as in "let's live here for two years of our precious life" like it. it would be great for a couple of outdoorsy folk that i know... but then they would have to work where i work and i wouldn't wish that on anyone that i know...strangers on the other hand, beware. i kid. it's not terrible, it's just not great. sometimes that is what you have to live through.
if you haven't guessed though, i am in the process of searching for a better teaching job in my dream city. i applied to what appears to be a job designed for me and i am waiting to hear back from them. i was holding my breath but my lung capacity isn't what it used to be... what has come from this idea of a possibility is that i was reminded that we can eventually leave this outpost and be where we want to be. i think it is called hope. yes, hope has been blossoming like the plum trees around here. if it wasn't for that pesky recession we could probably be carried away in our hope but the world economy tempers our gypsy spirit and so we know that we should be grateful for what is here and now. (we are, though, ready to pack up and leave within two days. it helps we have no furniture.)
and what is here now? work, the end of sebastian's tenure as a preschooler, lots of papers on things like listening skills and modality and futurity. i am also volunteering as a proofreader for the academic journal of the teaching association that i am now a member of so that is an interesting new past-time. unfortunately for you, i rarely use my editing skills here.
anyway, back to the books. don't worry (mom and dad), i am discontent but equally content. i think it is part of being an adult.
hope you are all well. take care.
xoxo

february (j)

2009-02-24T18:51:00.002+09:00

stillness and motion...

february (i)

2009-02-22T00:54:00.001+09:00

february (h)

2009-02-21T08:59:00.002+09:00

I am listening to this show this morning. (I particularly like the bit about the whipped cream.)
In my adult intermediate class, our typical conversation either consists of comparing the funny things about our husbands or talking about American politics. We followed the election together and now we are reading President Obama's inaugural address (very slowly, it is full of new vocabulary words for my students and new contexts). It is such a rich piece of work, of history. There are places where I unwillingly get misty-eyed such as:

Less measurable, but no less profound, is a sapping of confidence across our land; a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, that the next generation must lower its sights

.
So many of my generation, so many of my good friends are having to face this possibility, of compromising their future from something shining and hopeful to something basic like survival. Is that life though? We must not lower our "sights", especially not now.

To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history, but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

Such compassion, an element that has been missing in the halls of the White House these last eight years. This gives me hope, this willingness to move past misdeeds and into a realm of positivity for the greater good.

february (g)

2009-02-21T01:03:00.003+09:00

how quickly the weeks pass now. school and work and family and etc. spinning together in a tornado of activity, sweeping away time. we do our best to be here for the boys on the weekends, to walk away from the computer, my homework, our house. to sit and read and draw notes to each other. sebastian's request for today: go on a picnic, go to the park, eat food, take a bath, and go to bed. i think we can fulfill his wishes today.
here are two portraits of the boys in what i think of as their natural state. nico, the brother who is a tad quieter and always inquisitive. look what is in his hand though, the secreted rock, as always.

sebastian, the energetic, the ham or daikon as it is in kansai-ben (dialect from the osaka/kyoto area). he is really into movie making now and begs me for a video camera. i have to get a flip camera for class but he wants a big chunky one that goes on his shoulder. he's really into setting up shots and acting out his scenes. this morning he reminded me to charge the battery on the camera so that he could record our picnic and park adventures later.

february (f)

2009-02-17T01:14:00.004+09:00

i want to respond to cyndi's thoughtful comments regarding education while expanding on what i am just beginning to discuss here but will continue to be a reoccurring topic: education. first, cyndi, don't worry, i wasn't offended. i welcome such discourse and am glad that you shared. i am sorry that you and j had such a difficult time with the school in nara. i know the school you are referring to but i don't think that they qualify as a montessori school. they, like many schools here in japan, use terms like montessori and international to attract students (or more aptly put, their parents). in a certified montessori school, the curriculum would be based upon creating peace. that is actually one of the foundations of the montessori method. if we can help children find their true selves by helping them on the path towards becoming functional adults, then a balance and peacefulness will be achieved that the child can carry with them throughout their existence. if each child was at peace with themselves, loved and respected themselves enough so that they could love others selflessly, then consider what society would be like.
maria montessori was deeply concerned with peace as a foundation of education. she said "Averting war is the work of politicians; establishing peace is the work of education." this directive was influenced in part by her experiences living in italy under the reign of mussolini, during which she was forced to flee to spain since mussolini considered her philosophy a threat to fascism. on the other hand, montessori and gandhi had an established communication and admiration for each other.

perhaps it seems overly idealistic for me to believe that a certified montessori school would be true to the founding principles. yet, again, montessori's genius is apparent. she established a system that required strict training of the classroom assistants and directress so that the principles could be adhered in the manner of a lineage. when a montessori teacher is certified especially from the association montessori internationale, montessori's original organization, then there is a sense of trust that the teacher respects and applies the true montessori method with each child. so i sincerely believe that if i could send my sons to a true montessori school, peace would play a more prominent role. i simply cannot believe that children are "just being kids" when they express such violence. a child enters this world innocent and it is the violence of adults that corrupts that state. the argument for children to play-fight is that it is just the way of the world. that is a argument i would hate to see win. violence and hatred do not have to be our reality. we are in charge. we should determine our peace.

and to revisit the idea of socialization, i wanted to clarify that i did not mean it in the traditional sense. i know that homeschooled/unschooled children are perfectly socialized. they can't help it since they are humans (i am writing this as a former homeschooled child). we are social creatures. even children raised by wolves learn to be social even if they never learn how to speak so the arguments that critics have against homeschooling/unschooling regarding social aptitude is unfounded. what i was writing about is about dealing with differences in a compassionate way that includes loving-kindness. yes, there is a lot of bullying in japanese schools and american schools (i can't speak for education systems i am not familiar with). if the child is in harm's way either physically, mentally, or spiritually it is probably for the best to remove them from the situation for a better one. yet, a lot of the time in our lives we have to be with others who we don't agree with and we need to learn how to deal with others in a cooperative and respectful manner. it is a daily lesson in non-violence with sebastian when we explain that hitting is not the answer. and when he asks, like he always does, why do the other children hit?, there is another lesson waiting, a lesson in understanding and compassion. most of the hitting is done in a "friendly" manner but even so, it should not be tolerated. i have a lot of students who hit me (sometimes hard) but they are not trying to be cruel. i do my best to let them know that it is not acceptable but since it is not being reinforced by anyone else, why would they respect me?
so, that brings us to my last short post (with the heart rock ;)). we are trying to get out of here. not japan (sorry mom) but this particular situation. i really want to move to kyoto and most of that desire is based on the fact that they have an excellent international school there that is inquiry based and provides a stable bilingual education. i would personally love to work at a better school but the most important element is that the boys have a better environment. we might switch back to homeschooling if we can't find a good school but since the boys are so energetic due to their intellect and sensitivity, it is difficult for jason to guide them along that path, especially since he is going to start working on his own education soon. besides, they love being with other kids. and children learn best from each other, provided the situation is one that generates peacefulness. if that situation is in a traditional classroom or in a loving home, that is determined by each family.
anyway, i hope this illuminated some of the ideas that i began in haste in my last few posts. hope you are all well and please, comment away. take care.

february (e)

2009-02-15T12:36:00.003+09:00

so, a bit of reflection and contemplation have allowed us to consider the possibility of change. and today, i took a step towards that change. i can't say what it is now but i am going to ask for you to cross your fingers once more for us. this step could be an amazing leap if it actualizes and i would love to stretch my legs for the jump.
thanks and take care.

february (d)

2009-02-14T08:29:00.003+09:00

so, i am not going to retract the things i wrote yesterday concerning brats. but i wanted to clarify it. i don't believe children are ever at the core brats but their behavior can be brattish. the inability to listen, to rise to a challenge, to calm their frustrations. i simply haven't worked with enough young children but i am also a little shocked to be in a room with a child that turns his/her frustration into violent action. who throws chairs, or tears class materials, or hits another child with a book. sebastian or nico have never been prone to temper tantrums. meltdowns, yes. crying, overstimulating meltdowns but it is always very self-involved. of course, now that sebastian is at school he is influenced by others and brings that home to share the good and not so good behavior with nico like a virus. this makes me question my decision to enroll him in school but i feel like for now the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. the idea of socialization is not just for sebastian to learn how to be a "regular" person: no, it includes learning how to deal with others who don't live in the same way because that ultimately is what life in society is about. our main gripe is cultural right now. japanese parents typically don't discipline or correct destructive behavior in preschoolers. jason has a really hard time of it on the playground afterschool when other kids are roughhousing and he is the only parent to take sebastian to the side and explain that we don't hit or treat others like that. then of course sebastian has a hard time because he is the only child to be scolded and he already is different from everyone else. our solution is two-step. starting next month, sebastian will stay at school a few hours longer. if this doesn't change his meltdowns, then we are going to either withdraw him from school or move to a place where he can have an education that includes peace, ideally a montessori school.
as a teacher, though, i have to be prepared to deal with children who are not, to use the montessori term, normalized. i have found a lot of wisdom lately from the book The Tao of Montessori by Catherine McTamaney. this one passage in particular under the tao: "When people see things as beautiful,/Ugliness is created./When people see things as good,/Evil is created".

It is only through empathy that we can understand the child's life. It is only through compassion that we can serve her. We must look at the child who is standing is front of us (or lying on the ground screaming in front of us!) and see the child who is yet to come. We revere the child for her potential. We respect her for her promise. While bearing witness to the normalized child serves us well, encourages us to continue to do this work, and gives foundation to our accomplishment as teachers, sometimes the most important work we do is for the child we never see change.

following this is a quote from the great Maria Montessori herself:

If we have neither sufficient experience nor love to enable us to distinguish the fine and delicate expressions of the child's life, if we do not know how to respect them, then we perceive them only when they are manifested violently.

so this creates a dilemma for me as a teacher at this school. my students don't come to me normalized nor is that the aim of anyone involved in the students' lives. the problem, obviously, is that i am a montessorian at heart and so in dealing with children, this is my approach. is it possible to practice montessori philosophy and use the methods in an unsupported context? the answer is not definite. i can do so to a certain limit and my interaction with the children can definitely carry the influence. it is hard for me though to know about this amazing way of helping children on their way to adulthood and witness so much that discourages this direction.
i am at a junction. i can either commit fully to teaching English using all the fantastic knowledge i am getting through my studies or i can switch and follow my passion.
okay, anyway, that is all for now. time to pick up the legos and work on some sandpaper letters. take care.

february (c)

2009-02-13T18:49:00.002+09:00

Can I make Sebastian my patron saint?
I know I am a bit biased but really. My Sebastian, not Saint Sebastian. We don't need any arrows in the mix.
My sons look like angels to me tonight. Oh, the glory of comparative perspective.
I am trying to come to the point. How can I say this? Today, I saw a lot of, what is that word I am looking for? Oh yes, brats. Please capitalize the b. Yes, I know. This contradicts my staunch stance on labeling kids but the way these kids act, a-l-l t-h-e t-i-m-e, makes me believe that it can't be blamed on Friday the 13th. Most of the kids are great and in that light of comparison make my kids look scruffy and begotten. But it only takes one. Or, as I had today, five.
I will probably get in trouble for the last one, though I did nothing but try and teach him. Since it is a private school, coddling is the typical approach to keep the kids happy and the parents paying. I teach the most academic classes for all levels that come in. I actually have the nerve of trying to do what I thought was my job. I am attempting to teach them English. Most kids enjoy it but there are a few who cannot stand a challenge or even the appearance of a challenge.
But the week is over. I have papers to write and two boys to live up to. I don't know what next week will be like but for the next two days, it doesn't matter.
Hope you are having lucky 13ths. Happy weekend.
Take care. xoxo

february (b)

2009-02-10T19:50:00.002+09:00

tuesdays seem to be my day to visit here now. jason has started teaching a class on these nights and nico always goes to sleep around seven, allowing me the chance to duck in here and say hello.
if you were going to ask about my classes (either the ones i teach or the ones about teaching), don't. i'm feeling rather overwhelmed and frustrated with both right now. one of my graduate classes is all about grammar. see, i told you not to ask.
jason is getting restless here on the island, anxious to be someplace else. i'm trying not to let his anxiety infect me. i like the quiet here and the natural beauty that is almost everywhere. it is enough for now.
i am wishing for a bit of positive change, though i can't define in what form i hope it will happen. i just feel a yearning for something.
well, i suppose this post now matches the picture: blurred and out of focus.
i hope you are all well. take care.

february (a)

2009-02-03T20:57:00.003+09:00

hello and welcome to another month. we are rising out of winter slowly but surely here. our tiny ume tree is blooming and its larger kin are following suit. spring is coming. i've been taking pictures after work to document the lightening of the evening sky. it is no longer pitch black at 6 o'clock. in a few months i will have forgotten about the cold and the darkness and will be suffering through summer, dreaming of january.

i do wish i had brought my camera today for setsubun. oh goodness, to capture the terrific terror that was experiences by my littles today when the demons/ogres(oni) climbed in through the window. and the fantastically terrible costumes worn by the oni-san: matted long black hair, masks with yellow hooked teeth and black horns, rice skirts encircling their legs and waists. setsubun is usually translated as "bean-throwing day". it is the day when people can actually face (or as my 3 year-old students preferred, run from) their demons. before the oni-san entered, the teachers gave a little show about how bad behavior invites oni-san in and how when we are good, they retreat. they also retreat when they are pelleted with dry soy beans by the thousands while hearing "oni wa soto, fuku wa uchi": out with the demons, in with happiness. it went on for a while with lots of screaming and crying as the demons chased the children about, bent on capturing them and carrying them towards an exit while the other children hysterically threw more beans.

speaking of children and their demons....

we went to nagasaki over the weekend. i had a language teachers meeting and the lantern festival was happening so it seemed like a good time to get away from the island. except that we were reminded as we always are about the effects of living in a small, quiet place with sensitive children. it makes their reactions to the hustle and bustle of a city extreme. many, many meltdowns. many, many, many occasions of sebastian running off in the middle of a crowded and large store. so, so relieved to be back. the lesson from it is: don't take the entire family to the city when we only have a weekend because with the ferry ride it is more like only having a day and a few hours and a lot of those hours are spent sleeping at the hostel. also, don't expect a five year-old to be interested in ordering shelves from muji when there is a little flashing and pinging corner of coin-hungry games across the way.
lesson learned.
i didn't get any pictures of the teachers' meeting but if you head over to flickr there are some of the lantern festival.
hope you are well. take care.
xoxo
p.s. i hate thinking of titles so i will start labeling my posts by month and alphabetical order.

wish you were here

2009-01-27T19:12:00.003+09:00

i went for a walk with you today
you were with me the whole time

we saw the crow with the rope
caught on its leg and tried to tell
him we could help if he would just
come down

then off the path you almost fell and
i grabbed your arm, just in time
then we walked on and found the pile of
rusted tractors and bedsprings, an
old safe unopened

i saw an abandoned barn but then you
saw the dogs waiting in front of it

a mother of my students stopped to ask
if we needed a ride, but we declined
preferring to walk together under
the rare blue sky, a warm winter's day

you told me i was lucky to live someplace
where daffodils grew wild and i agreed

later when i finished and you were there
waiting for me, the sky was not dark yet
and you said spring was on its way

more pictures here.
xoxo

the now and later

2009-01-24T11:54:00.005+09:00

now: it's super cold this weekend, well, for us anyway. we are snuggling in, watching the pokemon movie and eating coconut doughnuts with cups of green tea to wash them down.
school is moving along. this is sebastian's last semester as a preschooler. in april, he will be sempei, the oldest level at the school and a true kindergarten-er. the shi-shi mai visited their school so they've been doing a lot of paintings and crafts based on that. next month is setsubun, a day where you are to throw beans at the demons in order to protect your house for the upcoming season. sebastian's been going around singing songs about oni and kami, demons and spirits.
as for my time at work, i have been using some new songs with good results and accomplishing a lot of little victories. i am drafting a curriculum for the upcoming school year and am surprisingly excited about it. i feel more comfortable at my school and ready to make the most out of it.
my graduate classes start again on monday so that will take away some of my japanese studies. jason and i have been having after-kids'-bedtime study sessions since the beginning of the new year. we occasionally cancel them to watch the office or 30 rock instead but those shows are absolutely worth it. we've also been slowly going through the seasons of northern exposure, my annual winter viewing pleasure. we are now the same age as joel and maggie which has caused quite a bit of reflection this year.
we also have been the happy recipients of many packages lately. our montessori supplies came in and we've been incorporating them into our daily routine. i also got some much needed clothes which are making my life easier during these snowy days. mail-order is a big way of life on this island and in a way, i really like it. you have to be certain of your purchases and good at planning ahead. and of course, there is that pleasure of getting something in the mail that never vanishes. we finally got our first issue of the kyoto journal yesterday which is all about tea, a good thing to read about while sipping some.
later: we'll be going to nagasaki at the end of the month for a language teacher's meeting. i am really into professional development now. i think it has something to do with my increasing commitment to the education field along with my advancing age. it also looks like we'll be sticking around for another year. the benefits of this job outweigh the disadvantages. a big rent-free house, nice students, a decent salary and health coverage, and a good amount of time off. i have another vacation looming at the end of march. two plus weeks paid vacation then of course golden week will be on its heels. after that summer vacation, when we hope to go to nara. in november, i'm heading to the big teacher's conference and then in december and january, perhaps florida. nice, warm sunny florida where my toes won't be frozen.
and after that? i'll be finished with my degree and ready to find a better job in a city that is connected to other places by a more convenient means than ferry. jason wants to try for a higher level of japanese proficiency test so he'll need a teacher and he's not going to find one here.
but after a few years, i am thinking of heading to india for 9 months to get my ami montessori certification. i still want to open a montessori school in kyoto/nara but i haven't been able to figure out how we can afford for me not to work constantly in order to undertake the intensive training that is necessary. but we could save enough to live in india for the amount of time needed to get the certificate. montessori has been wide-spread in india since the beginning. i am considering volunteering as an english teacher some vacation to get a sense as to if this is possible for us as a family.
that's about it from us for now. i hope you are all well. take care.
xoxo

Better Angels

2009-01-22T20:54:00.003+09:00

I am enjoying this year so far, aren't you?

We have somewhat of a plan for our future now, a future that is made much brighter by the dynamic President Obama. How amazing that feels to write. During times like these of great national importance in America, I have to consider what it is I am doing here. Am I unpatriotic because I choose to live abroad? No, in fact, I believe I am part of the new age that President Obama referred to in his speech. I am not thinking about borders or boundaries. I am a global citizen though culturally I am an American and proud to be so.
Living in Japan with my family, we are working against negative stereotypes and hopefully helping to open up a few minds and hearts in the process. We are the only Americans in our little island chain. We make up half of the foreign population on this island. If we go outside of our little circle, there are stares and echos of "gaijin-san" (foreigners, though I think it is nice that they add the honorific san to the end of it). We might be the only Americans some of these people ever meet so we must represent our home country to the best of our abilities. We strive to be kind and generous, understanding and patient, open and welcoming. These qualities were cultivated in us as Americans and though we may falter occasionally, we do not forsake these core traits. It might be a small part but it is our part and it is how we know best to serve our country at this time.
I know that the road ahead is not smooth but seeing all those people gathered in the Washington Mall to watch President Obama's address made me feel part of a force united to work towards a better world, thousands of voices crying "Yes".

2009-01-06T09:39:00.004+09:00

one of the traditions here is "first writing" where you write significant words that can carry you in the new year. we selected words that we need to work towards during 2009 (as well as what we believe the boys need) and here they are:

勤勉な: kinben na: diligent: tiffany
楽観: rakkan: optimism: jason
静かな：shizu kana: calm: sebastian
注意かい：chuuibukai: careful: nicolai

we've been enjoying the last week of my vacation by being very domestic and occasionally venturing out to see the sights. you can see our sights by heading over to our flickr account. here is a clip of the clearest water that surrounds one of goto island's famous christian churches. hope you enjoy.

take care.
xoxo

resolved

2008-12-30T11:42:00.003+09:00

it isn't easy for me to sit still, to focus but in 2009, this is my goal. i have to overcome a lot of obstacles that rise from within me. it will probably be the most challenging thing i have ever done.
there are so many roads at my feet, some dirt paths, some six-lane highways. i am standing on one street that in my mind most closely resembles the one in the image above. it is quiet, basic, and curved. i don't know where it ends or if there is an intersection. yet, this is the road i will be taking this next year.
what does this actually mean?
it means that though there may be other ways, i am going to focus on what i am here for. i will finish my master's degree, i will study japanese daily. my job is not the best but i will give it my best. i am designing a program that will make it more manageable and hopefully more effective for the students. i am going to finish my degree by spring of 2010. by that time, hopefully i will have passed some level of the japanese proficiency exam. in what little spare time i have, i am going to learn more about japanese history and society.
sometimes, i lose sight of why i am going through so much trouble. the core reason is simply love. five years ago i fell unexpectedly in love with japan. i am going through lengths that aren't really appealing to my nature but are part of living here.
2009 is going to be like a bootcamp. and after a year of intensity it will be 2010, our projected year to return to nara/kyoto. we'll all possess better language skills and a better understanding of our adopted home and i'll be better equipped as a teacher.
it will be most difficult to sideline those other ambitions that strive for equal attention in our lives but in the end, we will be more capable of fulfilling everything if we give to each aspect completely instead of piecemeal. if we can gain the discipline to accomplish the more pragmatic elements of our lives, then we can apply the same strength to our passions.
so those are our resolutions for the new year. last year we wrote a list of resolutions and planted them at the edge of the marsh on my parents' land. they sprouted though the harvest was different than anticipated. i wanted to either start grad school or move to japan and i ended up doing both. this next year is an odd year and typically they are my waning years. but i also turn 30 this next year so that will probably carry some weight amongst the fates.
anyway, i have to clean something now. the whole neighborhood is in a cleaning fever so i must pitch in and prepare for the new year. so, until next year.
happy new year to all of you.
and though it should wait until the new year officially starts:
明けましておめでとうございます｡

come walk along the docks with us

2008-12-28T15:21:00.003+09:00

don't mind our giddy conversations. it has been a while since we've been outside.
oh, and don't pay attention to, um, anything i say. my droll and trite observations are evidence of a lulled vacation mind.

magical days

2008-12-27T19:13:00.001+09:00

hope you are having some too.
xoxo

メリークリスマス

2008-12-25T16:41:00.003+09:00

my parents asked how do you say merry christmas in japanese:
merii kurisumasu but it sounds a lot like the english version.
these are the best not-so-blurring pictures of the kids around the "xmas" tree aka a kumquat tree. it is a good thing, the blurs. it is a sign of happy activity, celebration, excitement.
we hope that all of you are enjoying the day. take care.
xoxo

winter

2008-12-23T16:31:00.002+09:00

i know it is not as cold as it is in other places. other places have things like ice storms and brief periods of daylight.
but here it feels cold. it makes me very aware that i was born and raised in florida. i crave sunlight and warm toes and fingers.
i like to be able to go into my kitchen without shivering and seeing my breath. little things, really.
i'm trying to embrace the winter, to appreciate how prominent colors become under a grey sky, to face that this is part of life instead of trying to avoid it.
it is a process and i probably won't come to terms with it for a few months. you know, when it is warm and, well, spring. then, i will appreciate winter. now though it is just about working through it.

Freedom

2008-12-21T17:31:00.002+09:00

You are looking at two free people. So now there are four of us in the house. In the house that seems so big and spacious when you are alone but with two under sixes "paling" around, it becomes a little more, um, intimate. Cozy? We are working on that. First though we have to adjust to Nico and Jason's open schedule while working a little of the structure that Sebastian and I are used to into the days.
We were going to go visit Nara this winter vacation but we couldn't manage to pull all the threads together. So we are here. This allows us time to do things we can't in our regular time together. Like sew for purposes other than school goods. Or do a self-directed intensive Japanese study. So it is still good. And we will make it back to Nara eventually, hopefully at least when we move back to the Kansai area in the future. Until then, we will continue to enjoy these images that remind us of the home that we are working towards.
In the meantime, no school, no work, no lesson planning. 21 sunrises and sunsets before us and plenty of hot cocoa in between. I think we can manage.
Hope you are well. Take care.

Vegetarians: Avert Your Eyes

2008-12-20T18:15:00.003+09:00

Part of our life on a sea island.
Just a note about the big tuna: we know about the terrible destruction associated with the hunt for this fish. (these fish were tiny compared to the picture in the article). A group of these fish were caught for the visit of Prime Minister Aso and a local grocer was doing a raffle to give away large boxes of it cut into sashimi to get people out to see the unpopular Prime Minister. It was a really cold day though so not many people made it, even with such temptations. We happened to be out and have a raffle ticket and won some. We cooked it up in a soup the next morning, as it wasn't exactly sashimi weather.

My work

2008-12-08T19:13:00.003+09:00

The end of the semester is winding down with both my graduate classes and my preschool/elementary/adult classes at work. This week I have a few papers which, perhaps luckily, I must complete tonight as this week is parent observation week in my afternoon classes. Observations make me nervous though I learned at my job before this that they have the potential to be really helpful. This week's lesson is pretty simple: do a few workbook pages then make a Christmas card. Not exactly thrilling for tired parents in the late afternoon but at least I am honest. The teacher before believed that actions spoke louder than words (lots of Total Physical Response) and never did any of the things I do with the kids like bingo games or letter puzzles or crafts. I hope the parents see that it isn't just a big pile of messy construction paper that their children achieve but that they completed the lesson by listening to the instructions in English. Also, for the littles, craft is excellent for building their fine motor skills. Since employing craft in my classes, the handwriting of even my three year olds has improved. I spent the morning cleaning the classroom and making slight improvements (covering up some unused but unable-to-86 toys with this cute American Jane fabric in blue) and preparing for the first round of Christmas cards. I wish I had taken before pictures of the classroom but I will try to take some classroom photos later this week, maybe with the kids in action. I realize I must really be becoming a teacher when I want to boast about my classroom but the transformation in my eyes is incredible. When I arrived there were papers from teachers up to five years ago, not important, informative papers but scraps of unnecessary paper that no one had bothered to throw away. This litter was stuffed into every nook and cranny. A cluttered room equals a cluttered mind and in an English class with young learners, any distraction is a deadly for a lesson. There were also lots of unused materials and games that the former teachers for the past few years had deemed over the students' heads and yet I use successfully on a regular basis. I am not trying to suggest I possess a superior ability but rather have to express my bewilderment over how people can so often underestimate the power and potential of the human mind. For children, the language barrier is more of a river that they are learning to swim across and our role is to help their journey.
But speaking of cluttered minds, it is time to get the kids to pick up and lay our futons out. Hope you are well.

Let it hail, let it hail, let it hail

2008-12-06T12:02:00.003+09:00

Somehow, not so catchy of a song title. And yet that is our reality right now. Two straight days of blasting winds and hail. I never knew hail could fall for so long, like rain or better yet, snow. I associate hail with tornadoes, something we don't get here. Or at least, I don't think we get here. Oh, and these are old photos, the kids aren't playing around outside in this weather.
Saturday morning and it is full of fighting kids, catching up with family via skype, and cutting the boys' hair. I didn't want to cut Nico's downy hair but it goes straight into his eyes so I trimmed it about one centimeter (for your sake, Auntie L). Right now they are playing in a steamy bathtub, having pulled the protective cover over the top of the tub so that it stays warm and secretive. Lots of laughter and I get to finally drink my cup of coffee after the fourth time of being reheated.
Jason's about to venture out to get a requested lunch and some fabric to make a head scarf and apron for Sebastian as next Wednesday is mochi making day at school.
Well, break time is over. It's time to get them dressed and head back upstairs where it is warm enough that you can't see your breath.
Hope you are all warm and well.

Wed

2008-11-30T10:24:00.005+09:00

Yesterday I went to a wedding reception for one of my co-workers. It was a very gala affair with the bride changing dresses not once but four times. I unfortunately didn't capture her in the white traditional Japanese wedding kimono, but as you can image, she was stunning in that as well. The bride is the kindergarten teacher at my school so it was arranged that her students arrive and sing for her. They sang the theme song from Ponyo and another from Greeeeen, a popular j-pop band. After that, they got to partake in the chocolate fountain and pour chocolate over fruit and their school uniforms. Then, when the kiddies left, a group performed the Shishi mai dance to help cleanse the new union. The saddest part was at the end when the bride said good-bye to her parents and took her new place next to her in-laws. There was a lot of good food and drink and people were really enjoying themselves, something I am always happy to witness. Too often the side of Japan that I see is entirely too tense (I work in education after all) so I like to see people with their hair down.
I wish the best to the newlyweds. They definitely had a very proper start to their marriage.

The elements

2008-11-29T08:18:00.003+09:00

We have been battling the erratic weather both inside and outside our house this past week. Since our house has no insulation, we have to work hard to keep ourselves warm. We are lucky to have two air conditioning units that covert to heaters but due to the insulation situation that I mentioned, it is wasteful to use them for extended periods. So hot drinks, many layers, and staying together in one part of the house. We have moved our camp upstairs where it is warmer and spend most of our time there now. This week the upstairs was often darkened when we used the storm shutters. For a few days there was tremendous rain, wind, hail, and thunderstorms raging across our island. Lots of fun, especially when you recall that we are pedestrians. But then the sky will clear and the yellow and red trees that are blazing everywhere now will have a perfect blue contrast in the background.

As for the homesickness and culture shock that I mentioned, they are really just natural parts of living in a new place. So if you consider that we have been gypsies for quite some time now, then you can understand that we have been in some stage of culture shock/homesickness for many years. It can't be solved by returning home, we discovered that when we went back last time. No, it must be faced head on. You must continue to live how you wish regardless of these currents of emotion.

Which brings me to my next topic. I am facing a decision that would seem quite foolhardy to many of you but I persist with it anyway. I am considering withdrawing from graduate school. Or at least taking a leave of absence. It is something I might do simply because I have had problems with registration for the next term and so there might not be any space for me in the classes I need to take. The core reason I want to leave the program is because I want to work on my writing in the evenings. I have been running away from this aspect of myself for all of my adult life. In my youth, my path seemed so clear but then faced with the realities of adulthood, my plan seemed tattered. I didn't consider developing a better understanding of the craft of writing. I had no understanding of how to become the writer I wanted to be. Perhaps I was not meant to start in earnest on that path while I was so immature. My writing would have been (and was) trite and weak.
Something has changed now. I read over some pieces I wrote last year expecting to find utter crap, but saw something else. As a highly discerning reader, I saw potential in my words. They had all been written hastily and received no revising or editing treatment but there was a little spark of possibility there. And that is the distant star I am chasing. I am following the advice of the great Annie Dillard from her article "Write Till You Drop":
"Write as if you were dying. At the same time, assume you write for an audience consisting solely of terminal patients. That is, after all, the case. What would you begin writing if you knew you would die soon? What could you say to a dying person that would not enrage by its triviality?"

I have tried to live a brave and aware life but if I am not writing, I am not meeting that objective completely. I realize that this seems an impractical direction for a working mother of two but history has shown that the best way is not always the most pragmatic. Besides, in many ways, this is for the boys. As I watch Sebastian's talents developing I have to consider how I will support them as both he and Nico grow. Writing might not be a lucrative profession but if by following this innately laid path I can be a model for my children, then that is enough for me.

And before you say it, let me just inform you that I am not quitting my day job. In this position, we make ends meet without having to sacrifice too much. It is not always the best, but it is workable. Being isolated is trying, but in many ways it is good for us. It forces us to sit still and to work on aspects of ourselves that we couldn't focus on with all the movement. So for now, this is what we are doing.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.
Take care.

Two

2008-11-25T11:29:00.003+09:00

And now he's two. I've been in this space now for two years and I suppose I have somewhat documented the changes that this little family has undergone since Nico's arrival. There are a lot of gaps, mainly due to lack of time but also because there are so many things that don't quite make the blog cut. Like culture shock (that nasty, sneaky state of mind that is so persistent) or homesickness (which I am ashamed to report having since we moaned for two years about Japan and how much we missed it..). I feel like there will be more changes, even drastic ones perhaps, ahead of us and I will do my best to share what I can manage with you. Thank you for reading.

Onigiri Party

2008-11-08T18:23:00.003+09:00

This past week the school hosted an onigiri (rice ball) party. All the mothers and Jason were there. Sebastian complained afterwards, "But nobody else's otosans (fathers) were there". Another lesson in how our family is just a little different from other families.

More pictures here.

My Country Tis of Thee

2008-11-06T06:34:00.004+09:00

I am so,so proud of my country. For me, this election was a test to see if the democracy process actually worked. We have been waiting for so long to hear the voice of our nation and now that we hear it, it is startling clear. Thank you so much, my fellow Americans, for standing up and fighting. For choosing to go a different course from the treacherous one we've been following for the past eight years.

Happy Halloween

2008-11-01T14:23:00.003+09:00

More images here.
The best costume went to Kaonashi-sama (No Face from Spirited Away) seen here:

After the party, the kids went trick-or-treating in the downtown area where 10 different shop owners were generous enough to wait in the dark and hand out treat bags to the 87 kids who attended. The organizers did a top notch job in creating an authentic Halloween experience for the island's children. Everyone had a good night here and I hope wherever you are, it was equally enjoyable.

Making Plans

2008-10-29T21:45:00.006+09:00

Can I show you something?

This is why we send Sebastian to school. I may have some hesitation about his school and schooling in general but I have no doubts about giving him the chance to work with and love other children. And, he's learning a whole heck of a lot of Japanese these days as well which is the primary reason for his regular attendance.
At home though we are building a Montessori environment. It is not easy. I work full-time and Jason has his hands full with the boys and keeping up with the household duties (though lately it has been more about keeping up with the presidential campaign). I want to make most of the materials because I believe in craft over consumerism (also, it is a tad cheaper) and found some really cool sites like:
Homeschool Resources
Montessori Materials
Montessori Mom
Montessori for Everyone
And, the flickr group: Handmade Montessori Materials

All that aside, there are some items at Kid Advance Montessori that I would really prefer to buy since they would be study and durable such as a pink tower, a movable alphabet, dressing boards, and number rods. I know I could make these things but they would be out of cardboard and paper and not as effective for the kids in the long run (ahem, hint hint doting family members thinking of holiday gifts for two particular boys).

But, speaking of cardboard, I came across this over at Uniform Studio. Jason had quite a fixation with cardboard furniture a few years ago but nothing came of it. Now though we have something to do with our upcoming 3 day weekend. And luckily Friday is cardboard recycling day so we can raid other people's discarded stash.
Something else we may be trying this weekend, this chandelier. Isn't it amazing? And Sebastian's origami skills are soaring so it is something we can do together.

I also hope to finally finish some pants for the boys and my dress(es). It is my plan to make quite a few of the dresses from the 'Adult Couture Stylish Dress Book' (ISBN 978-4-579-11185-5) that Melissa mentioned. I really don't have much of a choice since I purposely didn't buy many clothes on my last visit to the city with the intention that I would force myself to sew my clothes. Of course, I also forget to factor time or the lack of it into my schemes. But this weekend we have three days with no school activities or other commitments (besides for visiting the Mister Donut that recently reopened in the now defunct City Mall-which was actually just a supermarket with a few restaurants, an atm machine, and a 100 yen shop on the second floor). 3 days, my friends. Of course that is peanuts compared to what awaits me in December: 22 days off. Paid. Think of all the dresses and origami and cardboard stools we could make then. Oh, the possibilities.

This one's for you, America

2008-10-26T18:50:00.002+09:00

Today we voted for change. We voted against a narrow definition of marriage. We voted for tax exemptions for those who install energy saving devices on their homes as well as giving a break to waterfront property owners who use their property for fishing or boating businesses instead of building condos. We voted against a congressman whom we have voted against before.
These past weeks have been full of conversations regarding our citizenry. What it means to be an expat. How much we hope and pray that our vote will join that of the majority and that this time, the majority will rule. This election means so much to people all over the world but I must think that it means the most to my generation, those of us who entered adulthood with Bush, 9/11, and the war. Those of us who grew up expecting a different America only to be shocked to discover that the principles of freedom and democracy had somehow escaped our grasp. It is up to us to reclaim our country, to revive those sacred principles, with liberty and justice for all.

Autumn?

2008-10-22T19:33:00.002+09:00

So, it is a little strange to go on a weekend hike looking for changing leaves and find cherry blossoms instead. It's been a little warm here lately.

Blog Action Day: Poverty

2008-10-15T22:43:00.004+09:00

With all the talk around the globe about the crumbling economy and how it affects the hard working middle class, I think it is time to consider how these set-backs are affecting the working poor. So many times, people hold the misconception that poor people are that way due to laziness or lack of motivation. And yet what if you are just in a situation where there are no opportunities, where all the exit doors are boarded up? This year's Blog Action Day is focusing on poverty at such an appropriate time in our history. With oil prices being at record heights, it forces the price of fuel for commuting to work and heating homes beyond the affordability of many who haven't seen their income adjusted to meet the new demands. Food prices are on the rise since transportation and production of food is so reliant on petroleum. Into this mix, add the newest failures of the market economy and it spells disaster for people all over the world. From this, we must consider what direction we will take. Hopefully, this "one" will get elected and take heed of this advice. Regardless of politics, we must do something to create positive change in our world. In light of this, I am inviting anyone who is interested to join me in creating a Kiva lending team. It doesn't take much but it can help tremendously. Please email me or leave a comment if you are interested. Together, we can make a difference. Thank you.

For more ideas on how to help:
Stand Up Against Poverty
One
Global Call to Action Against Poverty
Heifer International

Fukue Minato Matsuri

2008-10-10T07:21:00.002+09:00

A smaller version of the famous festival in Aomori, Fukue began the nebuta (lantern float) parade in 1977. The floats here have local themes besides for the traditional themes seen in Aomori including a Japanese pirate boat. Every float has some element of the Camilla flower here, the blossom Fukue is famous for.

From the Kindergarten Parade

2008-10-04T18:22:00.001+09:00

As part of the festival, all the kindys on the island were in the parade honoring the island's Chinese heritage. I posted photos from the parade on flickr. I sent Jason and Sebastian out to the festival tonight as Nico's asleep on my lap as I type this. More photos coming soon.

Sports Day

2008-10-01T22:25:00.000+09:00

I posted the photos from Sports Day over on the good ol' flickr account. It was a full and fun day. Events like these are really important in the whole scheme of schooling so this was a good introduction for our family. I'm sure the memory of forcing the white beret onto Sebastian's crying head will fade by next year when I have to do it again. After that, I promise you, he had a ball.

29

2008-09-27T13:40:00.000+09:00

For my 29th birthday, I took 29 photos. It was a work day and nobody knew that I had just stepped further into maturity. My last year of the twenties. So, like others, I have made a list of the 29 things I will do in my 29th year:

1. Go to Kyoto
2. Sew 5 dresses for myself
3. Become pera-pera in Japanese
4. Read one book entirely in Japanese
5. Get perfect scores in all my classes
6. Go to the dentist
7. Vote for Obama
8. Knit a scarf to completion by winter
9. Make a print block postcard once a month
10. Teach Sebastian how to write
11. Toilet train Nico
12. Do yoga at least twice a week
13. Join the Japan Association of Language Teachers and attend Nagasaki chapter meetings
14. Publish at least two pieces of writing
15. Draw more
16. Go camping at least once
17. Swim at Takahama Beach
18. Donate money to Karma Kagyu
19. Do a litter pick up every other month
20. Donate to NPR
21. Up my intake of locally produced food to 75 percent
22. Keep daily journal of bilingual progress and post online
23. Buy a new Montessori material every month
24. Grow plants indoors and out
25. Get some furniture
26. Save 20 percent of income
27. Go to Fukuoka
28. Meditate daily
29. Remember to take pictures every day

Something I came across

2008-09-23T20:22:00.000+09:00

Two homemade Montessori-at-home video which are very sweet.

Visualizing

2008-09-14T15:12:00.000+09:00

Here is Nico making a postcard. We are trying to get better about communicating. We are so busy now that when we come up for air, we just breathe. It is necessary to let a lot of projects be shelved for a while. A stack of linens waits by my little sewing machine for a quiet night to make pants for the boys, a dress for myself. The looming tower of Japanese study books is left alone so I can learn about assessment techniques and language acquisition theories. The weekends are family orientated with exploring and creating taking up most of the agenda. Taking classes online puts me in front of the computer too much, causing me to shy away from it in my spare time. So until I can give what I want to here, I am starting a new flickr account where you can see what we are up to. The link will remain in the sidebar for easy access (ahem, hi mom(s)!).
Hope you are well. Take care.

Shifting Seasons

2008-09-09T22:51:00.000+09:00

Though it is still horribly hot here, there are signs of change. Chestnuts abound, and persimmons are ripening on the branches. Here are a few images from my walk around the rice fields during my weekly visit to the second preschool. I hope to be back with my words and photographs later this week but I am already quite swamped with reading and assignments for my two classes so I can't promise that postings here will be as regular as I would like.
I hope you are all well. Take care.

Another step

2008-09-02T22:24:00.000+09:00

I am officially a student again. This week I begin work on my graduate degree in teaching English language to speakers of other languages (TESOL). So, yes, that means I am teaching, parenting, studying Japanese, exploring, sewing (I got a sewing machine, did I mention that? more on that later.), and formally developing myself as a language teacher. Busy, busy but good busy. (also, I just caught onto NPR podcasts. very addictive.)
Hope you are well. Take care.

Exploring the Cove

2008-09-01T07:24:00.000+09:00

Last week's hike gave us a better idea of our neighborhood so yesterday we went to find the pretty harbor we saw from the observatory tower. It is close to our house with a concrete dock where junior high school boys were jumping into the blue waters. We walked along the rocky beach, investigating tidal pools and finding beautiful shells and dried sea urchins. I really enjoy these weekend explorations since my week is full of work and parenting demands. These good moments remind me during the week that another weekend is always approaching, ripe for wandering and reflection.

Sunday Hike

2008-08-25T21:41:00.000+09:00

On Sunday, we climbed up the mountain behind our neighborhood to see what we could see...

and were rather pleased with what we saw. The sea, the sea, the beautiful sea. And our little town, of course. The path was easy and lined with little shrines, both Buddhist and Shinto. The forest is different here, more tropical and lush. But above all, the sea.

Barbeque

2008-08-23T14:49:00.000+09:00

A student invited us to go "dry net fishing" with her family today. So this morning we loaded up into their cargo van and went twisting and turning along a mountain road to a small harbor of clear water. The kids immediately jumped in, clothes+shoes, throwing smooth rocks and finding all sorts of snails at the water's edge. Then a small fishing boat let out his net in a circle, enclosing all the fish in the harbor in it. Jason and Sebastian helped to pull the nets up, while I held struggling Nico, determined to get back into the water. All sorts of creatures managed to get swept up in the nets including lion fish, sea slugs, stingrays, squid, and octopus. The edible ones were put in a crate, the others were set free by the children.
Despite the occasional rain, the barbeque was set up and the fish were put over the flames. The squid and octopus were immediately sliced for sashimi, the octopus' skin still shifting. In the midst of the feast, that also included the famous Goto beef, we walked down the rickety dock to look in the stunningly crystal clear water. Schools of neon blue and black and white fish swam beneath us, octopus crawled across the rocks with tiny translucent jelly fish swimming near the surface.
Later inside, a man was telling Jason that he had never been to America but he'd been to Hawaii twice. Jason commented that Hawaii was very lovely and the man replied, "Hawaii? It is nothing next to Goto". I think I believe him.

back and into the swing of things

2008-08-21T22:32:00.001+09:00

i really want to write more. i really do. when i am away from the computer i think of hundreds of things to share, hundreds of glimpses into our life but i just don't have the energy to spare right now. soon maybe. we are trying to put some more pieces of our puzzle together right now and it is taking everything we have. i'll be less cryptic when i am less tired. until then, here are some images from our last week or two. soon i will nag jason into submission and he will finally get our flickr account in order and ready for sharing which will be better for all of us. hope you are all well. take care.

on vacation... be back soon

2008-08-10T18:10:00.000+09:00

2008-08-04T07:54:00.000+09:00

There is a point when you start to realize that everything that seems fragmented within you are truly just spokes on a wheel.

Mini-Mini Taiko

2008-07-31T21:08:00.000+09:00

From the matsuri. We hope to get involved with this group when our language level increases.
Enjoy.

About the boy

2008-07-31T19:16:00.000+09:00

Sebastian that is.

Setting the dragonfly free.

Watching the fish jump.

On the way to preschool.

Our beach

2008-07-29T06:22:00.000+09:00

Here is our beach, as Sebastian refers to it. It is not a true beach of Goto with the famous white sands and emerald water. Instead it is merely an inlet of the harbor and a few minutes walk behind our house.
It is a good place for exploration, for looking under rocks and into tidal pools.

Summer Days

2008-07-26T21:40:00.000+09:00

It's full blast summer on the island now. If you want to get anything done outside, it is best to do it before 6 AM or after 6 PM. Those 12 hours between are sweltering humidity that makes you feel as if you are melting. Today, I bought a manual kakigori (shaved ice) maker, my very favorite treat in the summer time.

We actually just returned from our first island matsuri (festival). It was just a little street festival with junk food and kiddie games like goldfish catching but it was a lot of fun. The boys and I got dressed up in jinbei and yukata but Jason's jinbei somehow didn't make it into his luggage.

The view from the bridge. Our house is in the neighborhood on the right of the river. I walk next to this river everyday on my way to work.

Here's us in front on the sneak preview of the big October matsuri.

And here is Sebastian, thoroughly enjoying himself with his shaved ice and goldfish. We almost didn't go due to a horrible meltdown while we were getting ready. After many minutes of crying and a few minutes of exhausted rest, Sebastian woke, cheerful and saying "Maybe we can try again, Mama, now that I've learned something" completely unprompted and unexpected. So I re-did my obi and off we went.

Walk home

2008-07-24T21:58:00.000+09:00

This is part of my daily commute.

Hope you are all well.

From our windows

2008-07-22T18:41:00.000+09:00

Snapshots of Nagasaki City

2008-07-20T07:17:00.000+09:00

It's impossible when walking around modern Nagasaki not to feel a sense of history, a sense of sadness. On our recent trip, we did not make it to the Peace Park or the Atomic Bomb museum but everywhere you walk there are plaques telling you what used to be there. They are discrete about it, they do not state that this building or that was destroyed by the bomb. This is very generous on Nagasaki's part. Nagasaki was a very important port city, extremely international by Japanese standards. The structures that survived such as the former British consulate (the brick building) or the stone Spectacles bridge, serve as reminders of the event. I believe Japanese tourists prefer looking at these places compared to the melted clocks or bells because it is not the destruction but the survival that is inspiring.

Islands along the way

The blue waters of the East China Sea

Looking for whales

The former British consulate

Chinatown

Koi under めがねばし

めがねばし:: Megane-Bashi

Jizo

Sleeping on the ferry home

The Beginning of なつやさみ*

2008-07-19T06:06:00.000+09:00

Yesterday was the beginning of natsu yasami*, summer vacation. The older students at the preschool kicked their holidays off with a bang in the form of a bonfire, fireworks, swimming, and a sleepover.

What Brings Us Here

2008-07-16T06:01:00.000+09:00

We are brought here by a desire to raise global citizens. To have them understand the world better through bilingualism and interactions within the international community so that they can help their generation work towards a world of peace and empathy.

I am here to understand the Japanese family structure better and how it contributes to producing a society full of considerate, kind-hearted people. I am here to study the role of the child in a proclaimed "child-centered" culture. I am here because here I can do the work that I love and support my family in the process. I am here to work towards a dream of establishing a school where creativity, interactions with the natural world, and the Montessori approach would be intertwined.

Jason is here to explore and establish more connections within a country that he has long admired. He is here to have the opportunity to be with our sons more than most fathers are afforded. Here he can work towards developing himself as an artist. Here he has freedom and time.

Snapshots of our new world

2008-07-14T18:48:00.000+09:00

A Quick "Konichiwa"

2008-07-13T21:35:00.000+09:00

Well, we are here. We just got internet last Friday so that explains the delay in sharing our journey with you.
Goto Island is very pretty, Fukue City is rather small. Not at all a city but it has what we need for now. We just returned from Nagasaki City and are rather exhausted from the 3.5 hour ferry ride. Lots to tell soon but for now...
Here's the harbor that is five minutes from our house..

Here's who I spend the majority of my days with now. Though usually they aren't dressed so fancy. Usually they are dressed more like...

this guy, who starts school this Wednesday on a trial basis.

So we are back and happy and tired and adjusting. I'll write more later. Hope all of you are fantastic.
Take care.
XO

5 Years: A Retrospective

2008-06-20T22:11:00.000+09:00

How quickly five years can past. From when I first discovered him...

Here he is, all blotchy and new. And so alert. Always so alert.

To Japan....

And back. His first encounter with real beach sand.

His last day of being an only child.

Sebastian opened up our lives and made it amazingly better. He is a constant joy.

He is passionate, stubborn, silly, hilarious, intelligent, and kind.

He has put up with us over and over and taught us how to be better parents and humans.

I am so utterly grateful to have such a person in my life. Thank you, Sebastian. Thank you for choosing us.

a week and a half?!

2008-06-18T21:29:00.000+09:00

so what happened to the plan of celebrating florida here with regular pictures? i'll tell you what happened. sebastian, nico, and i spent a lovely morning at the beach playing with friends. though i failed to remember to take pictures (as often happens with two boys around the ocean) the sand did not fail to invade my new little camera. it's off to the shop with it today. please cross your fingers that it won't be terribly expensive.

and what's with this question that people keep asking us, "so do you have your bags packed yet?"? what? i mean, hey we have time. like a whole..um, week and a half.
a week and a half?!
it doesn't help that i was down for the count for the last 2.5 days due to a stomach virus that i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (if i had one).
but we'll manage. i just didn't realize how quickly time was passing. i definitely didn't stick to my study schedule so i know less japanese than i had hoped to upon arrival. i'll just have to push along with my pimsleur cds and hope for the best.

this weekend is the big guy's 5th birthday. the grandmother suggested a popular kid pizza place where "a kid can be a kid" as sebastian always quotes from their commercial on pbs. sure, it's a little hooky but it's his birthday and what a fitting american experience: pizza, pitchers of soda, and a giant rat.

well, hopefully the camera will be fine and i can represent florida a little better in my next post. until then, take care.

Come Together

2008-06-12T23:30:00.000+09:00

First it was the 20th. Then the 25th. Now we'll be leaving on the 27th.
Unfortunately, we don't get to stop in Nara/Kyoto for a week. Jacksonville to Dallas to Narita to Fukuoka.
A very long flight. With two genki boys. And a six hour lay-over in Narita.
I admit I am a little exhausted from the process and that sometimes overwhelms the excitement about what is ahead.
It is hard to fathom what we are getting ourselves into sometimes but slowly all the pieces seem to be coming together.

Sebastian's Weekend

2008-06-09T22:24:00.000+09:00

Well, after all that talk about wildness and the sneering tone about central Florida, we spent Saturday at Sea World in Orlando. Since Sebastian's 5th birthday is quickly approaching, we suggested to the grandparents that the best gift for him would be to create memories. And since he is a future zoologist and marine biologist, Sea World was a great place for him. On Sunday, we headed north via Gainesville and stopped at the Florida Museum of Natural History to see the butterfly rainforest and fossils.
All in all, a very memorable weekend.

Enjoy Florida

2008-06-06T21:50:00.000+09:00

While we prepare to leave (a process full of tedious details like visa applications) we are also making a point to enjoy our last days in Florida. Since it is our intention to remain in Japan as long as possible with the hope of becoming permanent residents, we don't plan to return anytime soon.

And yet, Florida is not a place that you can leave. It stays with you, revealing its permanence through your addiction to sunshine and disappointment in realizing that in other places, flowers don't bloom year round. My Florida, the northeastern part, has changed drastically in these past years. Condos mar the our coasts and riverbanks now, spreading north from their breeding ground on the southern tip. Locals are being replaced by Northerners and Californians flocking here in search of warm weather and no state income tax, bringing with them a homogenization of the culture. The great St. Johns River is in danger of being shared with over-developed central florida while the Apalachicola River is facing a flow reduction to serve the sprawl of Atlanta.

I know my story is not unique. Everyone's hometown is under assault. Part of it is chalked up to sentimentality and yet I feel compelled to voice my concern over the speed of this change and the apparent senselessness of it all. Many Floridians are actually grateful for the housing crash because we had no way of stopping the onslaught of developers, our local governments being so easily seduced by the promise of cash. It is probably the same where you grew up. Your favorite trees are maybe gone, that lazy river you spent summers in is perhaps too polluted to touch anymore.

Yet instead of remaining planted on a soap box, I decided to follow the advice of David Gessner from his "green manifesto". Let me share what inspired me:
"Part of the problem here is what I would call the nature calendar view of nature: there is spectacular untrammeled NATURE and then there’s what we’ve got. But I am here to say that what we’ve got ain’t so bad. We simply need to fall in love with what is left, with the limited wildness that remains."

So we set out everyday to love what is left. For the next few weeks, I'll share photos of My Florida. I hope you'll enjoy them.

2008-06-01T02:28:00.000+09:00

first, thank you for all your kind support.
there are many words to be written about this process of preparation but i just don't have the energy right now. and yet since i don't like leaving my little blog neglected i thought i would offer these pictures of the boys from a recent trip to the seashore.

take care.
xo

やった！(yatta!)

2008-05-11T22:56:00.000+09:00

drumroll please.

we are going. yes.

i just returned from my new york interview and as it stands, we should be leaving for japan in about a month. an estimated date of departure is sebastian's fifth birthday. i will be teaching preschoolers, elementary students, and adults (mothers and other random ladies) at futaba gakuen in goto city on the goto islands.

funny how things turn out, right? over a month ago i heard back from the woman in charge that despite her earlier message declaring that the position was no longer available, i could now interview with the head of the private preschool when he journeyed to new york in early may. she ended up canceling the other candidates' appointments so that he would select me. so i stayed in her house in the historic village of sleepy hollow, visited her preschool for japanese students and taught a few esl classes to four and five year-olds. i met with the rather jet-lagged principal of futaba gakuen and discussed the terms. his only hesitancy, besides for thinking that i would be too "serious" to teach preschoolers, was housing. the teacher who is at the school now was living in an old style apartment but requested a more modern apartment with central air/heat. the apartment is for single people so it is necessary for them to find some place else. his first thought was of us living in an old japanese house so we'd have enough room. he just worried we'd be pestered by the neighboring farmers curious about the gaijin family. i assured him that we didn't care about that. in fact, we would be happy to welcome all the obaasans and ojiisans that come snooping around and offer them tea.

my transportation will be a bicycle. exactly what i wanted to hear.

if all goes well, we are leaving here june 20th, landing at the kansai airport the next day and spending about five days in 奈良市 and 京都市 to visit friends and our old haunts. on the 27th, we'll catch a flight to fukuoaka where we will me the principal and fly over to the goto islands together. i'm thinking it will look something like this...

(from here)

thank you for all your support. this blog will also be moving (and getting more interesting) over to typepad soon. i want a better platform for capturing our experiences. a new and much needed camera is also in the works. so all your loyal reading of my bellyaching and homesickness for japan will finally pay off. :)

hope you guys are all well. and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

hi there

2008-05-02T23:28:00.000+09:00

how is everyone?
i have a secret. since everything i have been doing recently relates to the secret, you see, i can't talk/write until next week for fear of letting the cat out of the bag.
so if you are wondering why, now you know.
that's all i can say for now.
oh, and wish me luck. i'll let you know how things land next weekend.
take care.
xoxo